Box Of Peanuts

My Music Tastes

2010-08-20T21:22:00.000-04:00

First I was like

Then I was like

I Don't Think I Could Write A Movie

2010-07-26T17:22:00.001-04:00

Not that I'm trying.

I'm not expert in the movie business, but it seems like writers don't have much control. I know I'm only thinking feature films, here, but it seems like the producers and directors have their visions realized. You see the promotions and they're like, "From Executive Producer, This Guy. Directed by That Guy. Starring, These Two." And if those names are big enough, they might not even bother telling you what the story's about.

If you write a story, you visualize everything all in your head. In your mind, you know what the characters look, what their voices sound like, what the environments look like - every single detail. When you write a book, you have to surrender a lot of that to the reader. You know that the readers will build many those things in their own minds, with their imaginations. In film, visuals and sounds are created beforehand. Rooms are rooms, people are people. No more descriptions, show them what you want them to see! I think that's an amazing opportunity for a writer. At least, it sounds like Christmas to me.

But if you hand (read: sell) that script to a producer, it's his movie. He'll choose the director who's gonna shoot things the way he thinks it should be seen. He'll read that script and visualize things his own way. Producers, directors and actors are what drive people to the theaters because they're what's recognizable.

Take a director with a signature style, like Tim Burton. I don't know how anyone could ever hire that guy. I'm not saying his movies are bad, but I can't imagine how the tiniest sliver of anyone else's vision could survive! Every film he directs becomes his. That's going to happen with any director, though to a lesser degree. It has to. He's not the writer.

Robert De Niro, as himself.

And the actors. They wanna be stars. They're going to play towards their strengths and try to shine. God forbid you get an actor who's typecast. If they cast Bruce Willis or Robert De Niro in the movie, you can take whatever character profiles you had and burn 'em.

Let's not forget about sex, violence and comedy. Unless you're James Cameron, you've gotta excel in at least one (probably two) of those areas to make bank at the box office.

I just don't think I could ever hand over a script without being in charge. But how often is the writer also the producer and director of a feature film? It's not too often that one person is given that much power.

I guess if you wrote a screenplay and you felt like me, you'd either have to shoot it yourself, or make good friends with the director. It's probably good that I won't be in those shoes.

AHH SKEE-! ...ehem

2010-06-02T18:46:00.001-04:00

I loved to watch older people reminisce over music. It's beautiful. Mom and Dad break out the records and look back upon years of fun, remembering the good old days.

Take, for instance, Earth Wind & Fire's Fantasy. It's one of their favorites.

Yeah. You can totally see my parents sitting in front of the record player, swaying and such.

What's gonna be funny is when I'm riding in the car, with my kids, and a song from my high school years comes on the radio. It should be fun explaining to them that I was young then, and times were different.

Times do change... Skeet skeet.

How Do You Like the Casserole?

2010-06-01T16:24:00.006-04:00

Know what I hate? (You should. It's most of what I blog about.)

I hate when people ask me if I like a new food or drink, the second it hits my lips.

You've been there. You take one bite, and before you can pull the fork out of your mouth, "Well? What do you think?" I think I'd like to swallow this before take the stand!

Even worse is when you haven't even tried it, yet. I mean, excuse me if that freaky fungi-lookin' stuff wasn't the first thing I put it my mouth. They don't care. When you tell them, "Oh, I haven't tried that, yet," they're like, "Oh really? Well, take a bite now. I'll watch."

Bid mistake. If I have to look you in the eye and tell you that your green bean disasterole tastes delicious, you're gonna see right through it. Especially if my tongue is still trying to contact FEMA.

Don't get me wrong. I understand how you feel. It must have been hard work getting a live meerkat into a blender. You want to see my face light up as the village is raided and the riots begin. But now is not the time. You've gotta give me a minute to choke it down and think of a good lie. Otherwise, all you're going to get is a, "It's, uh...," while I probe the rest of your abomination for hidden anti-mutagens.

Everything's Gonna Be Okay

2010-05-24T21:33:00.007-04:00

I am aware that people don't know the future. I'm also not four years old. So when someone says to me, "Everything's gonna be okay," I can't help but roll my eyes and wonder why they take me for a fool.

Where did that come from, anyway? 'Cause it seems like you only hear it from people who have absolutely no idea. It's the go-to line for when you can't think of anything that's actually encouraging. "It's gonna be okay. I promise."

Well, f I'm afraid, I want encouraging facts, not the empty words of an optimist. If I'm sick, I don't want, "I know you can beat this," I want the percentage of people in my condition who pull through. And if that's not a comforting number, maybe I don't have too much of a reason to be hopeful.

Faith in God, I understand. Faith in established trends, I understand. I can even understand faith in a person. But faith in nothing? Hope, simply because what you wish for is possible? No, I'm afraid I lack the capacity, for that.

I guess that's why I worry so much...

You remember those Calvin & Hobbes comics, where Calvin would explain a deep revelation to Hobbes, while they rode a wagon or sled to their doom?

There were a lot of those...

It's Where My Butt Landed?

2010-05-18T01:34:00.008-04:00

My future lady is in for a surprise. One day, she's gonna walk into the room and find me watching tv. What she won't expect, is to see me seated on the floor with my back against the couch.

Soon after, she'll walk in and find me in front of the tv, sprawled across the carpet (we have to have carpet in front of the tv). It's an old habit I picked up from my dad. Why does he do it? The best reason I can think of is that it's because he grew up with more siblings than could fit on a couch.

In either case, she will likely ask me why I'm on the floor, in front of an empty couch. How will I respond? I came up with some ideas...

"Just fell. Lil' help?"

"I was saving the couch for you."

"I farted. Heat rises. Gotcha. You're it."

"I'm playing couch. Have a seat."

"Well, I was waiting on that vacuum." *side-eye* "But I see you don't have it with you..."

"Girl, you don't feel the feng shui I just did?"

"Upskirts."

"Dag you nosy!"

"I was coppin' a feel. This is nice carpet."

I bet it's no big deal. She probably won't care. Who knows, maybe she'll join me, and we can be like the happy young couple I found when I googled "laying on carpet."

I Need to Get a Life

2010-05-18T01:01:00.008-04:00

Seriously. I'm lame.

When I come home from school, I usually work. This summer, I'm stretchin' my money like a mug. In turn, I do absolutely nothing. I spend entire days in my pajamas, sitting on the computer, playing Pokemon, and consuming massive amounts of junk food (White Castle and chicken nuggets, anyone?). And when I do go out, it's rarely for a good reason, but rather because I know I don't go anywhere.

I'm vegetating, and I know it. I am slowly becoming less of a human being, and more of myself in high school. Funny thing is, I lose weight while I do it (Ha!).

There's something about this house. I lose all motivation for anything, when I'm here. I don't know if I've ever felt less cool. But no, I don't play video games with my grandma. I just like that picture.

Maybe I need a hobby...

...could hunt dogs...

Retaliation

2010-05-04T01:09:00.003-04:00

Why are we so quick to retaliate? What is it in a man that gives him gratification in seeing a wrongdoer suffer? It's funny how someone's actions infuriate us, and our instinctive solution is cause that person pain. Like when someone punches you in the arm. You'd probably swing back, without even thinking.

Is it justice we want? Do we believe that the offense knocked the universe out of whack and that putting our offender through the same discomfort will somehow set it all straight? Or is it all just about watching them hurt?

Maybe, deep down, some of us just like to hurt people, and they're waiting for an excuse.

Note to Self #1: Be Who You Want

2010-04-03T02:59:00.005-04:00

Are you who you want to be?

Who do you want to be? This you should know. Who do you admire the most? You know, that person you think is awesome? The one you wish you could be?

Yeah. That person is probably a lot like the person you want to be.
So be that person.

Do it.

"Be" is a verb, right? An action. And a person, what is that? A person is a body and a list of actions. Yeah, yeah, there's thoughts, feelings, ideas, beliefs, loves, fears - whatever. Your ideal self wouldn't conflict with those things, so don't worry about them.

Act like the person you want to be, and that is who you will be.

You wanna be the _____ type? The kind of person who always _____ and never _____?
Do what they do, because that's what defines who they are.

Stop wishing.

With a Little Bit of Gold and a Pager

2010-03-08T21:32:00.005-05:00

I'm in the market for some new clothes. Actually, I'm looking to upgrade my entire wardrobe. I even got a couple pairs of skinny jeans, yesterday. Before, my closet contained one pair of khakis, one pair of shorts, and about ten pairs of carpenter fit jeans. So, skinny jeans were quite a shift.

To be truthful, I'm too skinny for skinny jeans to fit the way skinny jeans fit. And slimmer fits like "super skinny" and "skinniest" look and feel, well, really gay.

YES

HAHA

I'll be picking up new button-ups, new shoes, new everything. I'll let you know how it goes.

Photo credits: Internet

My Day

2010-02-24T22:59:00.004-05:00

I think I waste too much time.

In fact, I'm sure of it. My typical weekday schedule looks like this:

1. Do something important
2. Waste time
3. Do something important
4. Waste time
5. Go to bed (maybe)

My weekends look about the same, minus the important stuff. At least I'm working, again. Paychecks feel productive.

I hardly write anymore. My blog is rotting, my stories are unfinished... And just now, as I'm writing this, I remember that I wrote a "Part 1" to a story, in a previous entry.

Whoops.

I guess I oughta get on that...
I think I need to keep my eyes open for topics that will inspire me to write. Something.

Adventures With Coke - Part 1

2010-01-29T12:06:00.011-05:00

Did I ever tell you about my adventure to an alternate reality?

Yeah, it happened when I kicked a can.

It was a Coca-Cola can. He sat on the curb, as I walked down the sidewalk. Obviously homeless, he was empty, crumpled, and smelled as if he hadn't showered for weeks.

And he was naked. That's how I knew he was a he.

Normally, I avoid homeless people. There's something about life on the street, an all-garbage diet, and a lack of internet access that makes a man crazy. But this was a can, so he was pretty short. I was fairly sure I could take him in a fight.

The smug look on his tab spoke volumes of his feelings of superiority. He shouted to me in the raspy voice of a 50-year-old lifetime smoker, "Hey brother! Hey! Hey, listen!" I kept walking. "Hey, hey, look!," he continued. I kept walking.

As I walked away, he shouted, "I'm better than Pepsi!"

My pace was brought to a halt. I turned. I walked back. I could feel the rage building in my testicles (I'm pretty sure that's where rage comes from).

My initial thought was that this Coke was on crack. I once heard that crack rots your teeth out, and this can had no teeth at all. I looked down, pointed a stern finger at his tab, and proclaimed the truth!

"Coke tastes like foot gravy!"

"Oh yeah?! Well Pepsi tastes li-"

"DON'TYOUTALKABOUTPEPSI!"

I kicked him with the Power of a thousand Rangers and watched him disappear. He vanished almost as quickly as my foot stuck him.

Did you know there was no apostrophe in the title screen of "Mighty Morphin Power Rangers?" There should have been one at the end of the word, "Morphin," but there never was. Don't believe me? Too bad.

I stood still, watching the sky. I was pretty sure I'd see a twinkle or something. I kinda kick like a beast, ya know?

I saw a twinkle - but it was in front of me, right on the path the can flew. After a few cautious steps, it was within arm's reach. A bright, tiny speck of white light. "I would like to touch this," I stated for the sake of narration, as I reached out my hand.

Before I could touch it (Dang! I really wanted to touch it), it exploded. The tiny speck of light expanded, rapidly, until I was consumed by it.

There was nothing but light - like those tv commercials where there's nothing but actors and white space.

to be continued...

Heidi Montag Falls on Her Brand New Face

2010-01-20T20:17:00.004-05:00

You know what I've been listening to a lot, lately?

Apparently, it's the worst album, ever. According to the Neilson SoundScan, Heidi Montag's Superficial sold 658 copies in it's first week.

Seriously, no typo.

I didn't see it coming. A lot of celebrities think they can sing - and a lot of them sell records. Heidi? She must be friggin' magic, 'cause this is the saddest thing I've ever seen. Even sadder than hearing about her recent plastic surgery shopping spree.

Personally, I think the album's a blast. I've been stuck on it, all week. And, honestly, I think her real mistake was making the record without a major record label. According to a very sad interview, Heidi dumped every dollar of her own money into making the album, herself (Ignore the part where she compares the album to Thriller). But, without a label, she had zero promotion, near-zero radio play, and a digital-only release.

She thought she could become a pop star, all by herself. That only shows that she doesn't know crap about pop music.

In conclusion, I present Heidi Montag's "Changes: 2006-2010," a photo montage telling the story of her surgical transformation, set to a track from the new album, "I'll Do It."

For some dumb reason, this was posted on her official YouTube account.

The Dumbness. Bet That Hurt.

2010-01-11T16:29:00.011-05:00

Today, I was thinking about this one Sunday, years ago. I was helping out in the children's service, at church. Some kids were playing a game while the rest were cheering them on.

Why don't regular church services have games?

Anyway... this one girl was doing some dumb thing that I can't really remember. I know I thought it was dumb. Whatever it was (we'll just call it "the dumbness"), it ended with her falling on her head and crying a lot. I figure that's probably how it should have ended.

I would imagine at least some teenagers know what to do in a situation like this one. But I had no idea. In fact, I remember standing there, looking around, waiting for some adult to come over and do whatever needed to be done to stop the girl from crying. Instead, what I got from the nearest adult was a, "Well? Don't just stand there. Do something!" look. I swiftly replied with my, "Do I look like I know what to do?" look. She rushed over and took care of the situation.

Let me give you a peak inside my head. I'll tell you what went through my mind when that girl did the dumbness and fell on her head:

That was dumb.
I bet that hurt.
She'll be fine.
She's crying pretty hard, but I can't fix her head.
...How do you fall on your head?

As it turns out, I should have taken the girl to go put water on her head. According to the adult who did that, "water fixes everything."

Apparently water, in addition to the properties I previously noted, possesses analgesic properties, allowing it to serve as an impromptu painkiller in situations such as this.

Who knew?

Mmm, Tasteless! - Drinking Tons of Water

2010-01-08T12:13:00.007-05:00

So, over winter break, I heard that most people live in a constant state of dehydration. I'd heard that before and ignored it. But this time, I figured, "What the heck?"

I decided to follow the advice I'd heard, took my weight in pounds, divided it by two, and drank that many ounces of water each day. I have no idea where that formula came from, but like I said, "What the heck?" I've been doing that for almost a we-...

Sorry. Had to pee...

I've done that for almost a week. And what have I noticed?
1. More pee.
2. No thirst.
3. Smoother poops.
4. More pee.
5. Fast food combos only save you money if you want a soda.

2010 People's Choice Awards!

2010-01-07T10:50:00.007-05:00

60 million people voted for last night's People's Choice Awards, and the people's choice was to give Jessica Alba the People's Choice Award for

"World Dominating Looking-Goodness in a Dress."

It was quite a victory. The award was presented by President Barack Obama, himself. Jessica accepted her award graciously, dedicating it to me, and immediately proceeded to tweet me about it.

All in all, a good night.

Blue Socks

2009-11-21T00:34:00.003-05:00

My socks are all turning to a blueish gray. Apparently, you really do need to wash whites and colors separately. Totally not an urban legend. Consider my mind blown.

Thing is, I only have, like, one white shirt. The rest of my white laundry is just the socks. And I hardly even wear socks, because I'm hooked on flip-flops.

This means I'll be saving my socks for weeks in order to get a laundry load's worth.

So, really, that shouldn't pose a problem. If I don't wear socks often, I won't wash socks often. But the thought of dirty socks sitting around for weeks? That's just gross.

And I know what you're thinking, "Just wash them a few at a time." But really? I'm not going to wash and dry three pairs of socks. That's stupid. What would Al Gore say, wasting all that water? Next time you think of something stupid like that, keep it to yourself...

How Long Ya Been Hidin' That?!

2009-10-08T18:52:00.000-04:00

Noise. I'm developing a low tolerance for it. Normally, that would be fine, except, due to years of unfortunately acceptable grades, I've found myself in college. *shiver*

Let me tell you about the other day...

I have a class. It's called, The, um, Multi...cultural Environmentalism and, uh, the Fanaticasmic... Structure of... Interracial Business.

Yeah, something like that. Whatever. It's hard. My teacher rambles about, "Asians do this, Americans do that, Africans do this, there's plastic in the ocean, my liberal bias is apparent, blah blah blah." Then, on the test, we have to write every single word she's ever said. Seriously. When I was taking her test, I thought my pen had started writing in the wrong color. Turns out, it was bleeding. When I finished, the pen cried, "Chris, Chris, why hast thou forsaken me?!" Then it exploded in a fiery ball of blue flame that engulfed the girl who used to sit in front of me.

So, when midterm time rolled around, I knew I needed to study my balls off (that's how David Bowie studied music). And to do that, I needed to escape the noisy environment of my dormitory and make my way to the the library.

See, I need true quiet to study. No television. No music. No people talking in the hallway. No students tapping at their keyboards. No people walking past me. As you'll see, this level of quieticity is difficult to achieve, even in a library.

Fortunately, our library has these awesome rooms, called "student studies." Basically, it's a Porta-John with a desk instead of a toilet. And it doesn't move. Sounds perfect for a guy who needs to isolate himself, right? The problem is, I'd never found an empty one. Regardless, I headed up to the second floor, where I knew these rooms were, in search of one of these Porta-Desks. But, sure enough, they were all taken, save a few in which the lights don't work.

Now, the first floor of the library is about as busy as an airport, and I could tell by walking around, that the second floor wasn't going to be quiet enough, either. So I headed to the third. What was on the third floor, I had no idea. As best as I can remember, I had never been. See, I've never had a teacher that made me look for a book. I'd never had a reason to explore the building.

As I reached the third floor, I saw the most comforting sight you could ever see: Claire Huxtable.

No... No...

What I saw wasn't comforting, at all. In fact, it was infuriating. What I saw was a sign noting that the third floor was designated a "quiet study" area.

BOB SAGET!

HOW LONG YA BEEN HIDIN' THAT?!

After cleaning up my pee puddle, I went exploring. And what did I find? Effing student studies! Just as many as there were on the second floor! After cleaning up my pee puddle, I went to find an empty one. And I did - easily! I even tried studying there for an hour before the kids laughing in the room two doors down drove me out of my dang mind!

I packed my crap, and off I went, still looking for a quiet place. Where? In no man's land. Where is "no man's land?" It's where the books are. Get it? 'Cause no one in the school library is ever where the books are... heheh.

*sigh*

And there, around the corner, in no man's land, I found it. One small row of student studies. I think there were just four.

First one...?

Taken.

Second one...?

Taken.

Third one...?

EMPTY!

JACKPEEZY!

After cleaning up my pee puddle, I went in and got some awesome studying done.

The End.

Words of Wisdom for New Pirates

2009-08-21T19:38:00.039-04:00

College. My return approches.

It’s only been a couple weeks since summer sessions, but I’m ready. Why?

I go to ECU!

Pirate Country, fool!

Slap somebody!

I’ll tell ya what: I hate school. I love East Carolina University.

I dunno, maybe I’m just biased (I am), but there’s something great about stepping on the ECU campus. I don’t believe in “energies” or anything like that, but whatever it is, you can feel it.

I look forward to it.

But one thing I've done over my break is step up my Twitter presence (follow me, fool!). I've been trying to connect with not only Greenville, but ECU students. And I've found a lot of incoming students. So I figured I'd do my part, as an experienced Pirate, and share a few things I feel new Pirates ought to know.

So, being the bum that I am, I took what was going to be a list of my favorite things about ECU, and turned it into a list of things new students ought to know about.

I'm a genius.

Check your email constantly
Yeah, I doubt it’s really ECU-specific, but good heavens! These teachers email you constantly – about really important stuff. Route it your phone, if you can. Don’t be surprised when you get emails telling you about homework assignments due the next day or classes cancelled that morning. It happens every semester. These teachers, like all teachers, are pure evil.

Ride the “drunk bus”
Do it. I’m not telling you to get drunk. I’m just telling you to ride the late bus on the weekend, with the people who are drunk. That's good times. Singing and dancing, puking, kissing on dares, cats and dogs living together, mass hysteria! (sorry)

Go to Christy’s
Christy’s Euro Pub is a great place to hang out and chill. It’s on… um… Jarvis Street? Ask somebody, everybody knows it. If I loved you guys, I’d look this stuff up for you…
Anyways, the hot dogs are bangin', great atmosphere, and it’s a pub. It's an all-around cool spot.
Check out Christy's on Facebook and MySpace.

Don’t wear your NC State gear
I don't know, people just don’t seem to take kindly to it…

Ignore the squirrels
I know. They’re everywhere, they’re cute, and they're comfortable around people. That’s all very interesting. But they’re more intelligent than you, and if you threaten them, they will kill you and make it look like an accident. If you try to scare, catch or play with one of these beasts, and you wake up dead, under a tree, next to a banana peel, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Don't take math with online homework

Worst idea, ever. I made this mistake once, and I'll never make it again. If your math teacher assigns homework and quizzes through MyMathLab, just drop it. Get another teacher.

Remember Chanello’s

Chanello’s Pizza is a great spot for close, cheap, late-night eats. And it’s good! They’re on Charles Blvd, right in front of Harris Teeter (easy walk from College Hill), and they’re open ‘til like, 3am. Did I mention it was cheap? And good?

Don’t get shot
Seriously. There's been a bit of a jump in violent crime, since spring semester. I know it seems like downtown is right next door (and it is), but don't let that fool you into thinking you're still on campus. Security has been ramped up, but still, just be careful.

Ride your bike on the road, not on the sidewalk
Don't do it. I’ll hate you.

Learn to walk in heels, or don’t wear them
Ladies. if you’re going to dress to impress and wear your heels downtown, learn how to walk in them. The only thing that looks worse than a hammered chick, clinging to the neck of her girlfriend, yelling at strangers on the street at 2am is a sober girl, carrying her own shoes. It’s just a sad sight.

Now, wasn't that educational?

Wait... I forgot one thing... If you're downtown and somebody from G-Vegas Magazine stops you and your friends, asking if you want to be in a picture - huddle. Huddle quickly. You don't wanna look like a "that guy" with your own friends. I've been there...

Have fun.
Be safe.
Study.

Oh, and uh... ARRRRRRRGH!

Critical Txts?

2009-08-06T22:42:00.013-04:00

I've heard my father say that people are wasting too much time on their phones, these days. He feels that the time we spend talking on the phone or sending text messages (he doesn't even know about Twitter) would be better spent with our friends and family or doing what he calls, "critical thinking."

I can see where he's coming from. It bums me out, too, when we're trying to do something as a family and my mom gets a 10-minute phone call. And I feel pretty bad when he notices me tapping away at my phone while he's talking.
Whoops...

"Critical thinking" is what Dad calls devoting your full attention to one subject, like your future, and really pounding your brain. And there's no denying it - it's amazing what you can think up when you're really just thinking. It's so important that we take time to stop and think about our lives. It's so easy to live one day at a time, facing obstacles as we reach them, all the while, losing sight of our ultimate goals.

Think.
Think a lot.

After pondering that for a while, I found it fitting to devote some critical thought to this cell phone business...

And I've concluded that I don't see a problem with spending time on your phone, be it talking, texting, Facebook, Twitter, whatever. What matters is what you're doing and why.
Are you helping someone?
Are you sharing important information?
Are you listening to someone who needs an open ear?
Are you encouraging someone?
Heck - are you making money?

Those are things that really matter when they're done face-to-face, and I see no reason why doing them over the phone would diminish there value.

But if you're on your phone so you don't get bored waiting on your mocha, or because you haven't checked your email in half an hour, maybe you should just ignore it and devote your attention to your current situation. You could even try some critical thinking.

...says the guiltiest guy...

Sleep Is... How Would I Know?

2009-07-24T19:55:00.000-04:00

I don't sleep much.

Generally speaking, it's on purpose. I've never been one to sleep for fun. I guess I never let go of the childish logic: awake is better than asleep. My thinking has always been that if I can stay awake all day without getting all cranky, I got enough sleep, and that sleeping any more than that would be a waste of time that I could use doing something fun. So I get about four to six hours a night. After six hours, I wake up on my own. I can go back to sleep if I want, I just can't convince myself to go to sleep early...

It doesn't bother me too much. It seems natural to resist sleep. Babies fight sleep with no capacity to provide any kind of reason. But I can't help but wonder if I live in some sub-normal state of existence...

I'm working on it...

...You guys see giraffes when you blink, too, right...?

The Best of Michael Jackson

2009-07-12T22:14:00.011-04:00

Sales of Michael Jackson's music have skyrocketed since his untimely death. Unfortunately, the two best-selling Michael Jackson albums have been greatest hits collections, followed by the album everyone has heard ("Thriller"). As glad as I am that new people are being exposed to his music, there's so much great stuff that people just won't find in those collections.

So, when I decided to make an iTunes iMix of my personal favorite Michael Jackson songs (oddly, ordered by album title), I decided I should share it. My favorites aren't exactly the world's favorites.

Does anybody ever buy iMixes? I doubt it. Regardless, I think it's a pretty cool way to publish a playlist and just making the list was fun, however difficult.

Check it out, if you want. Unless you're a die hard fan, there's probably something on there that you haven't heard.

All Kids Are Liberals

2009-07-01T01:33:00.006-04:00

Then half of them grow up.

...Now, for those of you still reading, let me tell you a story.

While eating dinner, yesterday, I thought of something to post on Twitter. I was a passing thought, but I thought it'd make a funny tweet:

"In preschool, my teacher said, "If you have two or more of something,
you should share." I've been a conservative ever since."

As I returned to my room, I realized how true that statement was. I was an exception to the rule. As a small child, I already held the basic belief on which my economic views are founded: people shouldn't be forced to share. That's something that stuck with me to present day.

Ownership.

The security of one's earnings and possessions.

The right to choose who to give to and how.

Yep, that's right. I was that kid who didn't share.

Say I have five of my favorite cookies - Oreos. Little (fictional) Joey wants one, so he asks for it. I say, "no." Now, Joey takes offense. He feels he's been wronged. I had five cookies, all to myself, and I wouldn't even let him have one!

My thinking was that the Oreos were mine. Joey didn't need them. So why should I give up something I have and want? I didn't owe it to him! Yeah, sure, it would be a kind gesture to give my friend something that would please him. But at the expense of my own pleasure? Give of myself to please him, just for the sake of making him happy...?

We ain't in love! It ain't his birthday!

Besides, I never, never, neeever asked for some of anyone else's food. Why would I? I had food. I wasn't gonna to go hungry. If they had my favorite cookies (Oreos - this has been established), that's good for them. I wasn't entitled to them, and I had no desire to short-change them for my own pleasure.

I had lunchroom arguments all the time, through elementary school and middle school (my mom packed good lunches), because I simply couldn't stand that people felt entitled to what I had, just because they wanted it.

Here's how one of those conversations would play out:

Joey: "Can I have a cookie?"

Me: "No..."

Joey: "Aw, come on, just one!"

Me: "I said noOo!"

"Why not?"

"'Cuz it's mine! You got food! Eat your food!"

"Yeah, but you got cooookies!"

"Yeah, I do! And I don't wanna gi'm away!"

"Dukey-head!"

"Butt-face!"

Eventually, I learned that it was better to give a little something away, even if they didn't need it, rather than to have your friends have a conniption and call you "greedy," "stingy," or "dukey-head." You look like a jerk in front of everybody.

But, I didn't have much trouble in high school. When I pulled out my Altoids tin and all my friends' hands came out, I shared.

You may be thinking, "Wouldn't you want people to share with you?"

Not really.

I've pretty much hated asking people for things, my whole life. Like sharing, I've grown better at it. I've learned to accept offers when I think they're genuine and to ask for help, when I need it - sometimes.

Just know that if I ask you for a mint, it's because I know my breath stinks, and I'm doing you a favor. If I ask you for something more significant, I probably really need it, or I can't come up with any other reasonable way to remedy my situation.

Devastating

2009-06-25T22:17:00.001-04:00

Outside of family and friends, no one could be harder to lose.

It's probably best that I don't talk much about it, online or elsewhere, because I wouldn't expect many to understand how I feel. But, like I always said, he's the best there ever was. To say "he'll be missed," would be an understatement. Especially coming from me.

I Forgot to Bring My White Chicks to School

2009-06-10T00:04:00.000-04:00

I was sitting in my jazz class when I realized that the Cloverfield monster was on my arm. After managing to get-get that-that bug off my shoulder, lose it, find it and kill it without making a (huge) scene, I checked my shirt. That's when I noticed that I was wearing my Vanessa Carlton t-shirt, which, of course, reminded me of this:

I totally left my White Chicks DVD at home! Then I went home, last weekend, and forgot it again... And before you suggest it, I'm not going to rent it and I'm not going to buy it, again.
I have principles...

"Well, Chris, what movies do you have at school?"
I'm glad you asked!

Back to the Future
Back to the Future Part II
Back to the Future Part III
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey
Kylie Minogue: Body Language Live
Cloverfield
Coming To America
The Dukes of Hazzard: The Beginning
The Dukes of Hazzard
Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd
Flash Point
Friday
The Glass House
Glass House: The Good Mother
I, Robot
The Karate Kid
The Karate Kid II
The Karate Kid Part III (Why'd they only use "part" for the third one?)
Money Talks
The Next Karate Kid
Pauly Shore is Dead
Return of the Ghostbusters
Sex and the City: The Movie
The Sweetest Thing
Tron

Now. Wasn't that educational? You know me so much better, now!

Almost Two Weeks and I'm Still Not Dead

2009-05-28T16:54:00.004-04:00

I had my first test today. At least in my mind, that's a school milestone, even in the summer. So I figured I should take some time to reflect on how summer school has gone, so far.

Well, for one, squirrels outnumber the people on campus. It's actually pretty scary. Now, I'm sure I could defend myself from a squirrel (why else would they make these books so big?), but a joint attack could prove to be more than I could handle. Needless to say, I travel the campus with one eye watching my back and the other scanning for rocks and loose bricks in the sidewalk.

Also, there's nowhere to eat.

Well, there's one dining hall in operation, but it's open for like, two hours at a time. It's darned inconvenient, and frankly, it's interfering with my bathroom schedule. I get out of class at 12:45 and by then, it's time for me to drop the kids off at the pool. But dining hall lunch ends at 1:30. That'd be fine, but my kids' favorite pool is the complete opposite direction.

The worst thing, though, is the bunk bed in my dorm room. I am fairly certain it will kill me.

See, I'm in a room by myself, but I still have both beds. And I can't sleep on the bottom bunk. I've tried laying under there. I look up and I can see the top bunk descending, like a trash compactor.

The top bunk? 34 feet off the ground. And it's only a matter of time before I fall off. My worst fear is that I'll wake up on the way down, just in time to make a few futile grasps at my bedsheets and regret not living to see Tron 2.0 before meeting my bloody, mangled doom.

Classes are goin' okay, though.

Back to School

2009-05-13T23:40:00.001-04:00

I don't even like Kanye West. And I'm pretty sure he'd get whooped somethin' fierce if he went to school with a Luis Vuitton backpack.

Whatever. When I thought, "back to school," two images came to mind: that picture of Kanye and Rodney Dangerfield in a bath robe.
You get Kanye.

School... Right! I'm going back. If you'd keep up, you would remember that I took a break. A mental health series-of-months, if you will. I just needed to clear myself of responsibility for a while and spend a few months freeballin' in my PJs.*

I worked. A little. If you could call it work. But other than that, freeball, baby!*

If I had to sum up my vacation in five words, they would be...
Star
Sleep
Twitter
Trek
StreetFighter IV

Alas, I grow tired, and I'm ready for summer!
-school.

Yep, yep. As big of shocker as it is, I'm about to go to monkey-fightin' school in the Monday-to-Friday summer! Dude, I never thought it'd be me. See, much like Wiis in old folks' homes and Rihanna gettin' rocked like she slapped Mike Tyson, I thought the concept of going to school during the summer was effing hilarious - until I realized it actually happened.

This post was about nothing.

*I wore underwear. Cereally.

Twitter - Plain and Simple

2009-04-28T18:18:00.004-04:00

Some have said that Twitter could be "the next Facebook." I say, it pretty much is, now. Twitter is all over the news, all kinds of big businesses and famous people are promoting their accounts, and in visits, it grew 131% in March, alone. But it seems like many of the people I talk to haven't checked it out, and it's mainly because they don't see the point.

Truth be told, I had to play with Twitter for a bit before I "got it." And normally, that's what it would take to understand it: time. So I decided to try lay it out for those to whom it doesn't make sense.

What Is Twitter?

140 character messages, called "updates" or "tweets." You write them, you receive them. That's Twitter. Your canvas is as clear as that explanation is simple.

Your home page is just a feed made up of these tweets, with a couple tabs for navigation. Note: you only receive tweets from profiles you choose to follow.

What sets Twitter apart from other social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace (other than simplicity) is it's one-sided relationships. When you find a Twitter profile of someone whose tweets you'd like to add to your home feed, click "Follow." The profile you've followed doesn't have to like, follow or even know you. That way, everyone's home feed can be tailor-fitted to their own tastes and their own needs.

What's it For?

This is best part: Twitter is for whatever you want it to be. Contrary to what you may have heard (or even seen), Twitter is not just made up of people talking about the mundane happenings of their life. Sure, there are plenty of people on Twitter that tweet about those things (and that's fine, because the people who follow them want to hear it), but Twitter is packed with all kinds of content! National and local news networks, your favorite websites and print magazine, actors, musicians, professionals in various fields - they're all on Twitter.

From CNN Breaking News to NFL Football, from Lil' Wayne to Governor Schwarzenegger, from The Tyra Banks Show to GameTrailers, from Miley Cyrus to President Obama. You name it, they're on Twitter, or on their way. Twitter is breaking into the mainstream right now, and all the media figures and outlets who didn't think they needed a Twitter profile are realizing that they do.

And while the idea of using Twitter for news may sound crazy, at first, the fact is, when disasters and other big events take place, Twitter's searchable content, made by real people makes for a fast, one-of-a-kind source for all kinds of information. In fact, one of Twitter's claims to fame is that the first decent picture of the Hudson River plane crash made it's way around Twitter before the press could manage to snap one.

What Do I Tweet About?
Whatever you want! Share your thoughts and observations, share knowledge and expertise, promote your website or blog, share your music or artwork, share links and pictures, or just talk about your day. You can hide your tweets from strangers, if you'd like. Heck, you don't have to tweet at all, if you don't want to. It doesn't matter. I hate to say something as cliche as, "the possibilities are endless," but as for the possibilities, they don't end.

Twitter also makes for easy communication between users by means of "replies." Just place "@yourfriendsname" anywhere in your tweet and not only does it operate as a link for your follower, the indicated user will find your tweet in a special tab for just such messages.

Twitter's creators seem devoted to keeping the platform as simple as possible (according to them, they don't even make money), which would appeal to those frustrated with the changes other social networks have made in the past. But Twitter's "keep it simple" mindset has opened the door for all kinds of outside developers to make tools to enhance your Twitter experience.

Things I've Learned About Twitter

The Motivations for Using Twitter
In my experience, I've found that there are three basic types of Twitter users. There are those who feel like they have something to offer to the twitterverse or just like to know someone's listening. Others that care more about what they read on Twitter than what they write, using Twitter as a tool to find and receive information. And then there are those who use Twitter to communicate, socializing with new people, keeping up with their friends, and networking with professionals.

Who Gets Lots of Followers

Let's face it, regardless of the reason people use Twitter, most of them would like to have a lot of followers. In my experience, I've found that if you want a lot of followers, you have to be one of these three things:

Professionals
I use this term loosely, to describe anyone makes themselves valuable by providing content to their followers. They could be a successful businessperson doling out tips, a media outlet posting update, a comedian who tells jokes, or a political pundit relaying his or her observations. Maybe they're Perez Hilton .

Reciprocal Followers
This is someone who follows others hoping to be followed in return. On Twitter, following strangers is common and appreciated, and a lot of people will follow you back. If you keep at it, there's really no limit to the number of followers you can get.

Celebrities
Oprah Winfrey, Neil Gaiman, Diddy, Ryan Seacrest - anyone who has built up a following outside of Twitter. Celebrities are people who get the following of a professional without necessarily providing professional information. People find value in their tweets because of who they are. These people have the the best of both worlds: they get to speak to huge followings while still keeping a personalized home feed.

Misconceptions About Twitter

"It's like Facebook status"
It's no secret that Facebook's recent update to it's News Feed layout were an attempt to make it more like Twitter, but Twitter's rapid growth over the last month shows that people don't see them the same way. Generally speaking, people who relate Twitter to Facebook's status updates do so in a negative tone, because Facebook's Status updates usually aren't interesting. Do you really care when the guy from your class, three years ago, goes to the gym?

Twitter is structured for communication to people you want to hear and don't necessarily know. Remember, following is a one-way connection. So, if you must relate Twitter to Facebook status updates, think of it as status updates from any and all interesting people. And, like I said, only some people on Twitter are posting updates like, "is glad class is over." There's a welcoming place for that on Twitter, but it's also entirely avoidable.

"I'd have to use my phone"
Now, Twitter can be updated and viewed via texts, mobile web and mobile phone applications, and it often is. And as someone who makes 30% of his updates from his phone, I can't pretend like that's not an awesome way to do it. But it should also be noted that I'm an addict and need help.

Overall, Twitter is primarily accessed by computer, through Twitter.com and third-party applications like desktop clients and Firefox plugins. And, like other social networks, you only have to be as involved at you want. You can duck in and out of Twitter just like you can Facebook or MySpace.

"It's stalkerish"
Twitter is as safe as you make it. If you'd like, you can lock your tweets, so you get to approve each of your followers. And of course, you can simply refrain from posting anything private.

Did you think this post gave you a better idea of what Twitter is and what it's for? Do you think you're more likely to check it out?
If you use Twitter, did this post do a good job explaining the basics?
Leave a comment and let me know. And if you like it, share it!

I Ain't Answerin' That Phone!

2009-04-27T21:06:00.008-04:00

I'm not talking about my phone! Don't be silly. I'm talking about the land line.

"Land line" refers to a phone that's not mobile. I know that sounds retarded, bare with me. They're connected to the wall and you have to use them in the building. These are not to be confused with the "man line," a neanderthalic communication method involving the passing of messages through relayed club strike patterns (also known as "ow-turn-ow").

In this house, it rings all day, every day. I don't answer it. It's never for me. Mom gets pretty upset about it, cause she's always out. But hey, I shouldn't even be in this house. The answering machine takes better messages than me, anyway (I don't remember crap, and I don't write).

This is what happens when I do answer the phone:

"Hello?"

"Hi [my dad's name], this is-"

"It's Chris."

"Oh... Hey Chris! Wow, you sound just like your father, did you know that?"

::rolleyes:: "Yeah, I guess I do..."

"Now, I thought you were in school?"

::facepalm:: "Yeah, I'm taking a break this semester..."

"Oh," ::disappointed tone:: "well, um, is your mom home?"

"Um, no." You think I'd be answering the phone if she was?!

"Well, can you take a message?"

"Yeah, sure. One sec."

"Okay."

::two steps to the left, two steps to the right:: "...Ready."

"I was callin' 'bout some bull$#!%. But you ain't gonna remember none of it, cuz you 'ont write $#!% if it ain't gettin' graded."

"...Okay. Got it."

"Well, alright. Thanks Chris."

"Yep."

I don't answer the door either. Nobody ever comes to see me! Chances are, they want to raise money for the fire department, sell Girl Scout cookies or share their religion.
Get outta here with that crap! I don't wanna hear that!

I oughta rig the doorbell to electrocute people. Let's see those little girls step up to my door with a porch full of fricasseed Mormons!

Booyah!

Most Movies Suck! ...Yeah, I Said It

2009-04-21T13:10:00.000-04:00

I've openly admitted "I have the movie tastes of a 13-year-old boy." It's true for movies and it's true for television, and I've often wondered why. Maybe I'm immature. Maybe I'm heartless. Maybe I'm the only sane person left on Earth and everyone else is amused by crap. One thing's for sure: There aren't many movies that entertain me. I've recently realized that if I stopped going to movies with friends for the sake of being with friends, I'd go to the theater two or three times a year.

My plan for 2009: "Star Trek," "Transformers 2." A few other movies look interesting, but not enough for me to make an effort to see them. And it's not that I don't care for movies, either. I'm a "talk about the movie for six months, see the midnight showing even if it means going alone, probably go back twice" type of guy. I'm just picky.

I've often said that if a movie's not exciting or funny, it's not entertaining. Well, I often think it, anyway. I understand that's not how most people see it, but I can't get behind most of the other stuff - it bores me out of my mind. But now, I've realized that even most of the movies that people people find funny and exciting make me wanna facebullet.

While I could be positive and write about movies that I love, I've decided to rant for a bit and talk about the movies I hate most. If you're going to sit me in front one of these movies, do me a favor - just kick me in the nuts and call it day. It'll be a lot less painful for me and it'll save time for both of us...

The "man runs with gun" movie
A police officer, secret agent, spy, mobster, soldier, or retired one of the above finds himself in a "web of deception" which leads to approximately 120 minutes of angry-face dialogue, foot chases, missed gunshots, fists slamming on tables, an exploding car, at least one police interrogation, and the hero finding out his wife/girlfriend is tied up somewhere.
These movies are easy to spot and avoid as they're invariably indicated by a man running with a gun in their trailers and commercials.

The "normal kids in an awkward situation" comedy
Typically "buddy movies," these films find a totally normal teenager and his or her friend(s) in an everyday situation such as boredom, a party, high school, being broke or just Friday, which leads to a not quite extraordinary adventure full of painfully awkward conversations, run-ins with goons, cops, gangsters or all of the above, chaos in a convenience store, and someone losing their virginity. Now, to be fair, the 80's and 90's were full of awesome movies like this (far too many to count), but as of late, it seems that someone sucked the funny out of all of them and pumped them full of "aw, that's cute."
Spare me.

The "triumph of the human spirit" movie
Yes, she's gonna die.

The "Academy Award-Winning Drama"
Often "man runs with gun" or "triumph of the human spirit" movies, these films find real people in a real-life, yet uncommon situation. The story revolves around some who plays a musical instrument, competes in a sport, goes to war, is poor, is gay, is retarded or has cancer. Someone watches the sun set. Someone dies. Someone has uber-dramatic sex. I slip into a catatonic state.

The "horse and sword" movie
Some genius decides to take life, strip away everything cool - ever - and make a movie about horses and swords. Happens all the time.
What to watch for in the trailer: Epic music, a man yelling the word "war," people riding around on pets and dueling with primitive weapons. If you're having trouble visualizing it, it looks like this:
It's no wonder they like to put magic in those movies...

The horror movie
I really don't have much to say here. If a horror movie isn't scary, it's just boring. If it is scary, then it's scary, and I just don't see how that's fun.

Of course, as with everything else in life, nothing is set in stone. There's always the "coolness" factor. Any movie of any genre can be "cool," and for that reason I'm sure I could find some movie I like from each of those categories. But as a general rule, these are the types movies I try to avoid.

What kinds of movies do you hate?

I Almost Bought a Pair of Shorts

2009-04-17T00:12:00.003-04:00

Like many a dull day, I found myself browsing Old Navy. I saw some hoodies. Didn't dig 'em. Whatever.

I saw some cargo shorts for $20.

Now, I've been considering wearing shorts for some time, now. I've been trying since New Year's to broaden my hori-... that's so cliche... I've been trying to expand my wardrobe. So far, I've bought a pair of sandals and a jacket.

Baby steps.

See, I'm the kind of guy who could happily live in a cartoon. If I didn't have to worry about my clothes being clean, or people thinking they weren't, I'd totally wear my favorite shirt and pants every day. So, it's not surprising that I wear jeans and a t-shirt all the time.

Some time in middle school, I decided I liked jeans, and I've simply never felt like changing. If you know me, personally, there's a good chance you've never seen me in a pair of shorts. I'm in jeans, every single day. On special occasions, I bust out my single pair of khakis. I have some black dress pants, too. I bought them for a funeral, two years ago, and I doubt I'll wear them again until someone else dies.

Well today, for some unknown reason, in Old Navy, I grabbed two pair of cargo shorts and took them to the dressing room. I really can't explain it. I just did it. And I have to say, when I stood in front of that mirror, separated from the cozy denim security pants I had grown so comfortable in, I really liked what I saw...

Then I put the shorts on. They looked pretty good, but not good enough for me to buy them. We'll see what happens.

Back to the Future: Part IV

2009-04-14T21:06:00.001-04:00

I had a dream last night, that I was writing a script for "Back To The Future: Part IV."

See, in my dream, Universal Studios was waiting on my script, cause it was gonna be awesome. I was confident that my script would be a huge success, but I took my time finishing it up. That is, until I received a phone call informing me that Doc Brown himself, Christopher Lloyd, was writing his own script with intention of submitting it first.

That bastard wanted to steal my movie!

Confident that my movie would be better than his, I wrote feverishly to finish my script before that old coot finished his. Now, with a fire under my tail, I had the motivation I needed to focus and finish my script.

I woke before I finished my script, but it was still quite an exciting dream.

Here's the truth: I am writing a "Back to the Future: Part IV," for fun. I've actually had it planned out for quite some time, now. I've really kept it under wraps because too many times I've talked about a story I was writing, then left it unfinished. See, I have this never ending desire to create a masterful story. I start off wanting to write a story, then try to come up with one, then try to write. Eventually I realize I never cared about the story or it's characters in the first place and I trash the whole thing. It was easier when teachers made me do that stuff...

What makes this story different is that the concept hit me first. I immediately fell in love with the idea, but for the longest time I told myself that writing fan fiction was silly, that I'd be piggybacking on someone else's work and that no one would care to read it because it wasn't official. But the idea just wouldn't let me forget he was there. I couldn't let it go of it. I eventually realized that I needed this story to exist, for me, whether or not anyone else would like it, or even read it.

I've only got a little bit written in , but the timeline is entirely laid out. The plot, the characters, all kinds of details - it's all there, in about 5 pages of notes. I've got a couple tiny kinks to work out, but I think the concept behind it is, well, it's just fantastic. It's exciting, it's fun, and it takes "Back to the Future" into new territory without abandoning the past. Most importantly, it's firmly rooted in the existing story, as opposed to just tacking something random onto the end of it.

Don't think less of me for writing fan fiction. It's true, what they say: you have to care about something to create it. I love "Back to the Future." And the beautiful thing about writing is that if you want a story to exist (or in this case, continue), you can simply make it so...

If you have any questions you wanna ask about the story or what's in it, feel free to leave a comment. I'll try to answer them as best I can without giving away anything big.

Do stories have trailers? Psh, they do now. I'll totally be writing a trailer for this.

If I Were Rich And Famous...

2009-04-11T22:07:00.000-04:00

Just some thoughts of things I would do if I were rich and famous.
Let's see... I could...

Fund/support a sequel movie that probably wouldn't be made otherwise. Bill & Ted 3, The Last Dragon 2, a Sliders movie...

Write a book. Even if it sucked, people would buy it.

Weasel my way into the next Ninja Turtles movie. I wanna be a pizza delivery guy or something.

I'd have an office, even if it wasn't necessary, and I'd hire Pam Beasly as my receptionist. And I don't mean that I would break reality and hire a fictional television character, but that I would pay the actual actress, Jenna Fischer, enough to quit "The Office" and become my real-life receptionist. I'd hang out in my office all the time, listening to music and playing video games. My office would have a window with no blinds, so when I told Jenna I was to busy to see someone, that someone would be able to see into my office to know that Playstation is more important than they are.

Hang with Vanilla Ice. ...Heck, I could probably do that now...

Laugh all the way to the bank.

Hang out with Pauly Shore at The Comedy Store.

I'd fly all my friends out to party with me in LA. I'd take them out to the hottest club where I'd get into an intentional argument (and subsequent fistfight) with a famous, yet harmless rapper (like Soulja Boy or Bow Wow). Then I'd have my body guards rush all my friends out the back exit and drive them back to the hotel where they'd sit and wonder if I was okay.
I would return, hours later, bloodied and bruised, clothing tattered, and simply say, "I'm sorry you guys had to see that..."

Slap Timbaland for ruining Nelly Furtado. Plus, you know, he just seems like a douche bag...

Hire a cook so I can have a fridge full of drinks and condiments like the guys on MTV Cribs.

Buy absolutely everything from the merchandise stores of every band/musician I love.

Go to the "New Moon" premiere - and heckle it 'til I get thrown out (shouldn't take long).

Run for President. It'd take a ton of deception for someone as conservative as myself to win, but it'd be worth it so I could turn crap around.

Host a late night talk show where I talk frankly with the guests, telling them how much they suck as an actor or how lame their last album was. If the musical guest sucked, a "Showtime at the Apollo" siren would sound and a tap dancing clown would come out with a cane and drag them off-stage. Of course, celebrities would stop coming on the show and I would be reduced to ranting over a laugh track, and eventually to YouTube.

Wait 20 years, then start a sitcom. ALF crash lands at Jim and Pam Halpert's house and lives with their family. ALF and Jim? Imagine the dialogue!

Go on The Oprah Winfrey Show and wear this shirt:

I Don't Do Much

2009-04-07T16:30:00.004-04:00

I'm nearing the end of my one-semester hiatus. I'll be headed back to school in just weeks. And you know what? I'm kind of excited. I've loved my break and I did need it. But the truth is, I haven't done much. I've just been working, hanging out with friends and blogging way less than I should.

To be honest, I've spent many, many days in my pajamas. Don't get me wrong, those are some of my favorite days. I like going out and doing fun things as much as the next guy, but there's nothing in the world quite like waking up at noon and spending the day playing video games and watching Star Trek.

The thing is, when I think about my real accomplishments during this break, I start drawing blanks....

- I laid out the timeline of a new story (Maybe I'll write this one...)
- I picked up twitter (ain't that productive?)
- I, uh, bought a lot of CDs.
- I bought Rainbows.
- I had that country music thing.
- *ehem*
- I played a lot of Street Fighter.
- I read half a book.
- I can has cheezburger.

I suppose it's time to let someone make me accomplish something...

What the #!%$ Sheetz?!

2009-03-29T23:40:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, I stopped at Sheetz on the way to work. I ordered a croissant with bacon, egg and cheese, a hash brown (is it singular if it's just one chunk?) and a cup of coffee. I got my food, got in the car and left.

As I took my first bite, I was reminded of a story...

Somewhere out in the vastness of space, light-years away, exists a planet inhabited by a sentient, intelligent race of beings much like ours. On that planet, lives a man named Charlie. Charlie was a single guy with no friends and no family of his own. He worked a mindless desk job, saving money, so he could move out of his parent's house. Until today.

Charlie was fired. Fighting tears, he packed all his belongings into a box and left the office. As he stepped outside the building, he received a phone call from his father. "I don't know how to tell you this," Charlie's father said, "so I'll just say it. Charlie, your mother passed away this morning and I have a terminal cancer." Charlie dropped his phone and his box of office supplies on the sidewalk, fell to his knees and wept by the side of the road.

As Charlie wallowed in misery, a small girl walked around the corner. The girl looked to be about six years old and wore a pink dress with an enormous white bow on the back.

She stopped, looked at Charlie. "Hey mister?," she asked with a black stare, "Why are you crying?" Charlie struggled to regain his composure before replying, "My mother's dead... my father, my father is dying and I- I just lost my job."

"Gee, that's too bad," the girl replied with a typical, childlike lack of concern. She glanced up, then down the sidewalk, teetering back and forth on her heels and toes. "I have an idea!"

Charlie, still on his knees, looked into the girl's eyes with sheer desperation. He had nothing, and while this little girl didn't seem to understand his pain, deep down in the pit of his soul, a part of him prayed that maybe, just maybe, what this small child had to say could offer some semblance of relief. Perhaps a childish proverb, maybe even a joke. Something that could bring him a smile, even if only for a second.

"Here!," the girl squealed giddily as she reached behind her back. She pulled out a small handgun, shot Charlie in both knees, stomped him in the nuts, slapped him twice, took his wallet and skipped away.

Charlie never made a sound. Eyes wide, and mouth gaping, he sat in a pool of his own knee-blood. With nothing left in the world, Charlie turned his eyes to the sky. And just as he did, the clouds covering the sun began to part. A shimmering ray of light broke through the clouds and shined down on Charlie. As the warmth washed over his face, Charlie actually began to feel a bit better. I mean, his knees hurt like hell, and so did his nuts, but he found something comforting to grasp onto. Charlie knew that no matter what happened in his life or the world around him (or to his nuts), he would always have the glorious, majestic sun that comfort him.

Then the sun exploded.

That's what it felt like when I realized Sheetz forgot my effing bacon!

Seriously Sheetz, wtf?

Let It Ride!

2009-03-21T11:50:00.000-04:00

You all know that every attempt at humor has a buy in. It's a gamble, a roll of the dice. No matter how well you think you know somebody, a joke, prank or witticism can always fall flat - or worse, offend. It's risky, but it's worth it!

Personally, I like the witticism. That is my domain. I'm not saying that mine are exceptionally funny (or even better than Michael Scott's). I just mean that's what I do. I like droppin' one-liners relating to the situation or conversation at hand. Something happening triggers a humorous (I think) thought and I let it out.

Now, before you get all "OMGIWANNABELIKECHRISCAUSEHESSODARNRADICAL!" and try throwing quips out all willy-nilly, you oughtta know this ain't no nancy-pants, Radio-Disney, Thomas-The-Tank-Engine, Wall-E-finds-a-plant, bullsh-... *ehem*... *ehem*... Suffice it to say, it's a high-stakes game. Part of what makes it tricky is that it has to be quick. So much so, that you hardly have time to question whether it will be effective, appropriate or offensive, because the window is so small! You've gotta think it through, but you need to act swiftly. You don't want the first response to be, "Wow, how long'd it take you to come up with that one...? :rolleyes:"

Another issue is that there's no setup; there's no warning for the audience. If you were to say, "You guys wanna hear a joke?," or "Hey, I got a joke for ya," the listener would know that you were gonna to try to say something funny, and they could prepare to fake accordingly. I mean, looking pitiful is better than looking foolish. But that's a luxury you don't have with the witticism. It puts your pride on the table because you're going to get an immediate, and probably honest response. If the line sucks, you're gonna get blank stares or rolled eyes, if you don't laughed at (the bad kind of "laughed at").

Well... that's enough about the method. Let's just say you succeed. Say you slip in a one-liner or a friendly zinger and the people laugh. Happy happy, joy joy! But it's not over. Now you're faced with two choices: You can cash out, pat yourself on the back and let the conversation return to normal, or... let it ride!

What do I mean by "let it ride?" Follow it up! Strike again while the iron's still hot! Drop another line, or try something based on the reaction your first one. After all, unlike in the casino, the stakes are lower after you win one. It's like they say, "it is better to have laughed and lost then never to have laughed at all" (I am so sorry).

That's not to say it's not a gamble, though. You'll always have your first winner, but you still run the risk of killing the moment. Who knows? You might get two or three good ones in before you fall on your face. You just have to play it smart and know when to cash out.

My problem? I always let it ride! I can't resist. It's like I've got onetoomany disease! I just can't leave funny enough alone, because I always think I can top it. And even if I do top it, I just try to top it again. I keep going 'til I hear the crickets chirping, bringing with them that awkward moment of regret in which I say to myself, "One too many..."

*sigh*

But hey, with any kind of joke, you take a risk at looking foolish. And that's a risk we must take! We're human beings, Bob Saget! And as human beings, wisecracks and fart jokes aren't just abilities, they're responsibilities! Because without humor, we're nothing more than monkeys with iPods. So man up, step up and ante up!

...You know what? I just pictured monkey shadows with iPods dancing to "Viva La Vida," over technicolor backgrounds, and I can't lie, that's funnier than most of the stuff I think up...

Sigh ...Facebook, Facebook, Facebook...

2009-03-18T18:58:00.000-04:00

Yes, yes, I know I'm late on the whole Facebook fiasco. But that's because I just now realized how bad the situation was!

As you may know, Facebook recently attempted to buy Twitter. Well, as popular as Facebook is, the guys just haven't found a way to make much money off of it (if you think Facebook has a lot of ads, take a moment and revisit MySpace). It's my understanding that Facebook offered to come up with the funds by selling off it's own stock, and the folks at Twitter just weren't convinced it was worth enough.

Facebook's answer? If you can't join 'em, beat 'em!

...wait, no, that sounds retarded...

No, no, that's right. Zuckerburg & Friends decided the best course of action would be to mimic Twitter. I guess they figured that if they could duplicate Twitter, Facebook users won't see a purpose in using both services. Sounds good, right? It did to me; I love Twitter. I think hearing about the day-to-day thoughts and activities of others is interesting. I was itching to get my hands on the new layout to see if it truly served the purpose of Twitter.

Unfortunately for Facebook, the layout failed on all counts. It's confusing to navigate, it's no replacement for Twitter and they completely ignored the fact that most Facebook users had no interest in Twitter. As a result, they've thrust updates like "Getting ready for work," "I hate my life," and "I just made cookies from scratch, YUMMM!," into the faces of people who really, really don't care.

Twitter's "follow" system provides a medium for the user to send messages to whoever has decided to receive them. It's a one-way relationship, unlike Facebook's "friends." If a user doesn't want to see updates like "I just farted in class. I hope nobody smells it," then they won't follow people who post those things. What Facebook implemented was pure imitation - good imitation - but in a setting in which it just doesn't fit. Most people on Facebook aren't connected to their "friends" because we want to hear every tiny detail about their lives. Facebook users want an easy way to send messages, network and share pictures and videos with their friends and family, not an up-to-the-minute newscast featuring every friggin' person they know.

"Microblogging" isn't for everyone. It's not for most people. Hell, it's hardly for many people!

But that's enough talk. I wasn't even going to post about this, until it was brought to my attention exactly how epic this failure truly is. A new application, New Layout Vote (not created by Facebook) serves the purpose of a simple "yes or no" poll. I added the app, I posted my two cents in the comment area and I voted. What I saw next was nothing short of stunning:

That fail is about as epic as Superman and Chuck Norris fighting on the surface of the sun...

Despite knowing that most people hate it, I'll still ask: What you think of the new layout?

"Hey, It's Me... Call Me Back!"

2009-03-12T03:19:00.004-04:00

Mustard, mayonnaise, voicemail - to hell with all of them...

Now, while I could spend all day explaining why mustard and mayonnaise deserve eternal damnation (and I just might), I think it's best that I stick to the subject of voicemail, for now.

See, the thing about voicemail is that it started innocently. It was an answering machine for your cell phone. It was intended to be a convenience and, for some, it is. People get to talk to you when you're not able to talk to them. Sounds great!

Wheee! *candy, giggles and playful wedgies*

There are even some people out there who won't even return a call unless you leave them voicemail. "If was that important, they would have left a message."

Well, I'm not that popular.

Frankly, I don't get phone calls every ~~week~~ day (Mom excluded). Phone calls are like Christmas, so I always return the ones I miss and I never turn my phone off (so I get my "missed call" notices). If I see that I have a voicemail, I'll most likely just call you back and delete your message later. That is, unless I'd rather hear your message than actually talk to you. But surely you're not one of those people.

My real problem with voicemail is that rarely does anyone ever say anything important. 90% of my voicemail messages are one of these:
"Hey, it's ____. I was just calling to see what you were doing. Call me back!"
"Hey, it's ____. Call me back!"
or worst of all,
"Hey, it's ____. *story of my day*"

It's enough to make a guy try The Joker's pencil trick on himself.
*Wham!*

By this point, you may be wondering why I don't just cancel the service, altogether. Well, despite all I hate about voicemail, there is a justifiable reason for someone like me to have the service. There have been cases (rare, once in a green moon cases), in which people simply call to relay a message. They don't need a response. When I can't answer the phone, they say everything they need to say in a voicemail message. I love these people. I wish nothing but happiness and large tax refunds for these people. They leave the messages I don't mind listening to.

Of course, text messaging easily serves that purpose, and if you have my number, you're free to text me as much as you'd like. Of course, many (if not most) people don't use the service, due to it's additional fees, which is totally understandable.

So, for future reference, just call. As long as it rings, I'll call you back. Honest.

...Unless I hate you.

And for no good reason, I leave you with this:

"It's All Over But the Crying"

2009-03-06T20:30:00.000-05:00

The time has come for me to bid farewell to the only drama I've ever cared about: Kyle XY. Last night I watched Monday's episode (the longest I've ever waited to watch it). Things had seemed to have escalated over the last few episodes, so I was excited to see this one. That is, until the TV whipped out its Glock and shot me right between the eyes. After a commercial break, a message popped up at the bottom of my screen.
It read,

You are watching Kyle XY
The Final Episodes

The show's terrible fate was brought to my attention during what was easily it's most emotional, tear-jerking episode. I cried like a baby. Not typical, but I'd like to think it was partly because I just had a cancel bomb dropped in my lap. I've never been attached to a drama like this. I don't really even watch drama's. I like shows and movies that are either funny or exciting. Watching people deal with real-life situations that I can relate to? Not what I would normally consider entertaining. But Kyle XY had me hooked from episode one. It was a mystery story. "Who is Kyle XY?" It made me care. Every revelation was only further whet my appetite. Forget Tivo! Throughout the show's three seasons, I watched every episode, live, with the exception of maybe three or four.

Captivated.

But slowly, Kyle XY turned from mystery-drama into a full-blown teen drama, complete with backstabbing, hook-ups, break-ups, and montages backed by indie rock ballads. What's much more surprising is that the show means as much to me now, as it always has. And now that the show has been canceled and only two episodes remain, I feel... well, I feel violated, to be honest.

I allowed it. I admit that. I accept that. But that fictional world has become a larger part of my life than I anticipated. It's people, stories and relationships don't exist, but they matter to me. I care about the futures of these characters. I'm genuinely concerned about their lives. I share their hopes. I cheer in their triumph. I wince at their pain.

And that's how they make their money.

Kinda sick.

I have to assume, as strange as it seems to me, that this is a common situation for other people. For people to enjoy dramatic stories, they must allow some level of attachment, right? And when that story ends, they have to deal with it. Right?

Damn...

"I Can Be Better. I Will Be Better."

2009-03-04T02:12:00.001-05:00

Sometimes, it honestly feels like I'm the last person on Earth who can write...

I should note, as I begin, that this post sounds painfully arrogant. For that, I apologize. There's a humble conclusion, I assure you.

I've just rewritten this letter that somebody at church threw together. I'm shocked that whoever wrote this letter actually has a job writing letters. It looks like the writer decided to string together a bunch of cliche, "feed the children" infomercial lines until she got bored. I sincerely hope the writer was just in a huge hurry. Maybe she was in labor or something...

It reminded me of every English class I ever took, listening to students read their terrible papers in front in classes. They treated the English language like a toddler treats paper - they tore it up and chewed on the pieces while I resisted the paternal urge to run over and pull it out of their mouths before they choked on it.

In middle school English class, I felt like my schedule got swapped with a special needs kid's. High school? Same deal. By the time I got to college, I just decided that no one else was really trying. To be fair, I spent my first year of college at Hood School, where the girls just wanted to get married and the guys' career plans consisted of "gettin' paid," and little else. Now that I'm looking at the real world, reading columns in magazines and newspapers, I'm coming to the realization that the writing world really is full of idiots.

Nah, I'm playin'.

While it does seem that too many writers either don't know what they're doing or they're trying way to hard to sound smart, that's not what this is about. This is all about me. See, for as long as I can remember, I've been told that I was a "great writer," "very talented," or "really blessed," and that my career should be in writing. Now, when you hear things like that from teachers, friends and employers, it only makes sense that you would put special effort into honing that skill. But the truth is, I never did. I never tried. I wrote all my papers at the last minute, did almost no recreational writing, and only made a solid effort when there was a prize involved. One week, my teacher would be reading my paper to the class as an example of excellence, next I'd get a handwritten note telling me that I didn't even try. It didn't bother me, either. They way I saw it, and effortless 'B' beat a hard 'A,' any day.

I called myself the "King of BS" (not out loud, mind you), because I would consistently earn passing grades on research papers without doing any research and book reports without reading the book. Wow the teacher with English and they'll lose their focus on content. Works everywhere but History class (those teachers only care about names and dates).

Enough about that. I'm beginning to sound like a D-bag. My point is this: I haven't been trying and I regret it. I've taken the one craft I truly feel I could excel in and squandered all the time specifically designated for studying it. For the past year or so, I've considered writing as a career but I really don't feel that I'm good enough. Maybe I am "talented," or "blessed." Could be. But I'm certainly not skilled. I've put forth the bare minimum, and shamelessly so.

I feel a bit like Hancock. He was a super-powered person who did heroic things, but he wasn't superhero. He did what he needed to do, but he did so haphazardly, with no concern as to whether he was reaching his potential, being the superhero he could have been.

Now I feel like what I really need is for a professional to sit and teach me the ropes. I want someone who knows what he's doing to look at my work and say, "This is okay but this sucks. Fix this." And as many of you know, I'm mulling over the idea of switching my major to journalism. Don't ask me what they teach journalism majors, but I sure hope is "how to write." If I decide to do that, I swear, I'll try.

Until the time that decision is made, I'm gonna try this: I'm going to try, right here. I'm going to proofread my posts. I'm going to try to write them in more than one sitting. I'm going to consider how they make me look, before I post them. I am going to take everything I have learned about writing and utilize it. It's time for me to start flexing my literary muscles and working them 'til they burn.

"You deserve better from me. I can be better. I will be better."

Stick with me, people. Right around the corner lies a whole new "Box of Peanuts."

Everything Happens for a Reason

2009-03-01T18:16:00.003-05:00

...Or does it? It's a good question. At least, I thought it was. My poll, which plainly posed the question: "Everything Happens for a Reason - True or False," got 11 votes over the course of about 30 days. The results came out 6 to 5 - so they're pretty much worthless :)

Regardless of the small margin, the votes were in favor of "True." I really was curious, because I've heard the statement made a million times. But now that I have the answer, I can't help but wonder, what leads you to believe it?

It's a heavily-weighted, worldview-shaping belief. Your answer to this question is about as big as religion. It affects the way you react to world events, the actions of others, and your own fortune or misfortune. It's not something that should be taken lightly, and it's not a question that should be answered with little consideration.

So I'm going to pose another question:

"Why?"

Whether or not you believe that "everything happens for a reason," regardless of whether you voted in the poll, I'm going ask you to explain yourself. What makes you believe that this old saying is or isn't true?

My Country Music

2009-02-26T18:30:00.000-05:00

I'm a firm believer in the notion that a person can learn to love anything. Food, activities, family. We grow up with it, we get used to it and eventually, we love it. Music is no different. It's no coincidence that people in the south love country music and it's not additives in the water that gives us all a soft spot for our parent's music. We listen to what we like, but we like what you listen to. I'm confident that if you were hear enough of that one genre you never seemed to get into, you'll find something to love about it. But we rarely tolerate music that's different long enough to figure out why other people like it so much.

There's one that you hear all the time:
"What kind of music do you listen to?"
"Oh, I listen to pretty much everything, except country."

I was one of 'em. The stuff just turned me off. The sound, the vocals, the lyrics - I wanted nothing to do with it. But hey, I felt the same way about pop.

Really, though, that's fine. It's not like those who prefer stay within a couple genres run out of music to listen to. They're happy. I was happy when all I listened to was rock, or as Dad called it, "bang-your-head-on-the-wall music." It took a rock band covering a pop song to open my eyes to pop. Did I do myself a favor by exploring other genres, like country? ...Meh, I don't think it really makes a difference. It sure is fun! But I was never discontent with my music collection. I never felt like anything was missing.

My relationship with country music started with one bluegrass band's amazing vocalist. It was her voice that made me want to listen, but I later found myself enjoying the sounds of instruments I couldn't even name. I was warming up to the very things I once saw no value in. And it continued.

It only takes a little something to get you listening. And when that something hooks you in, you actually listen. I had inadvertently given the music a chance to grow on me.

While I was at work, yesterday, I thought about how I got into this whole country music thing, what lead to what and how quickly it all happened. I decided I should share. So here are my country music albums, and how I discovered them all!

Alison Krauss & Union Station

Now, I understand that this is a bluegrass group, but I just can't exclude them. They were my gateway to all of this music. They opened my ears to every other artist on this list.

I first heard Alison Kauss & Union Station on AmazonMP3.com. They used to (and may still) give away free MP3s from time to time. I had download the songs "Heartstrings" and "Every Time You Say Goodbye." I liked them. I remember soon after that, I saw a greatest hits CD in a Cracker Barrel restaurant. But I don't like really do greatest hits CDs. I think it's a little to Frankenstein-ish to pull albums apart and piece them together like that. I'll write about my reverence for albums, some other time.

I eventually forgot about the band and the songs on my computer. Months, maybe even a year later, I came across the tracks again in my music library and fell in love with them. Turns out, both tracks were the same album, "Every Time You Say Goodbye."

They've become one of my favorite groups and while I've yet to delve into the solo albums the band members have released, I have every intention to.

"Every Time You Say Goodbye" - 1992 (purchased at Best Buy in July, 2008)

"New Favorite" - 2001 (purchased at FYE in September, 2008)

"Lonely Runs Both Ways" - 2004 (gift from Mom on Christmas 2008)

Lee Ann Womack

This was a Pandora Radio find. "The Healing Kind" came up on my newly created country and bluegrass station. I listened to the samples for the other tracks on the album, "I Hope You Dance" and put it on my to-buy list.

To be honest, the album dried up on me pretty quickly and I hardly listen to it, anymore. That's why I don't have too much to say about Womack.

"I Hope You Dance" - 2000 (purchased at Best Buy in December, 2008)

Emmylou Harris

Emmylou Harris was an interesting find. While in Best Buy, I decided to purchase the aforementioned Lee Ann Womack album. But while still in the country section, I saw this on the shelf:
I wish I could find a higher resolution shot of the back cover, because that's what really won me over. I knew nothing of the singer but after staring at this album for a good two or three minutes, I decided that I had to have it. Yes, I sometimes roll the dice and buy an album solely on the artwork. It's exciting. You should try it.

As it turns out, I loved it! It put "I Hope You Dance" on the back burner for days. And coincidentally, the album I picked up was her debut. According to Wikipedia, she disowned her true first album. I decided that I might as well buy her albums in order, and I did - for the next two... That's when I realized that Emmylou Harris was the Stevie Wonder of country music. And by that, I mean she's been recorded for decades, hasn't stopped, and has put out way more albums than I would ever collect.

"Pieces Of The Sky" [Expanded & Remastered] - 1975 (purchased at Best Buy, same day as "I Hope You Dance")

"Elite Hotel" [Expanded & Remastered] - 1975 (purchased at Barnes & Noble in December, 2008)

"Luxury Liner" [Expanded & Remastered] - 1976 (purchased at Barnes & Noble, same day as "Elite Hotel")

"All I Intended To Be" - 2008 (purchased at Circuit City in February, 2009)

Carrie Underwood

Realizing the music was growing on me, I gave a local country station a spot in my FM presets. Right way, within just a couple days of each other, I heard two songs I loved without hearing who they were by. Soon after, while browsing country music on Last.fm, I decided to check out Carrie Underwood. I only recalled having heard "Jesus Take the Wheel," and I knew that was a long time ago. Turns out the two songs I loved so much were not only both by the same artist, but on the same album! The songs were "Last Name" and "All-American Girl."

"Carnival Ride" - 2007 (birthday present from Kyle in January, 2009)

SugarLand

I'm afraid I don't have a cool story for how I discovered SugarLand. I just heard them at the Grammys. They performed the song, "Stay." And yes, I'm aware that "Stay" isn't on the album I bought, but "Love on the Inside" had great chart performance and I read the duo actually had a lot more creative control. I'll probably work my way back. I don't want to say too much about the album, other than that I like it, because I've only listened to it one time through.

"Love on the Inside" [Deluxe Fan Edition] - 2008 (purchased at Wal Mart on February 25, 2009)

Artists of interest, whose albums I don't have:
Martina McBride
Dolly Parton
Jason Aldean
The Peasall Sisters
Ricky Skaggs

While country and bluegrass are becoming an increasingly significant part of my music collection, I'm still very much new to the country universe. If you have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them!

It's Not That I'm Lazy, It's That I Just Don't Care

2009-02-25T02:44:00.001-05:00

I feel that perhaps, my days of traditional employment are numbered. I don't think I can answer to people for the rest of my life. I'm starting to think that in order for me to happy, even content with my career, I'm gonna have to be self-employed, or at least in a position that holds me to deadlines and little else.

And no, this is not about cell phones, though it may have been the straw that broke the camel's back (or at least made him wonder why the #%$& he was carrying so much straw).

I think I have a problem with authority. That may sound odd, coming from a guy who's been to detention a whole one time and who's only "run-in with the law" is a single traffic ticket. "How could a guy who never gets in trouble have a problem with authority?" Simple: I'm nice. I don't like hurting people. I don't like putting people through trouble. I don't mind going out my way for the people I care about.

In the workplace that translates to only a moderate concern for customer satisfaction. I don't want to think that someone paid money and I reduced the value of the product, because that's not fair. That's not to say that I like obeying my... my "superiors..."

There are few things on this Earth I hate more than being told what to do. Sounds childish? I guess it probably is. Plain and simple: If you, a parent, a teacher, a boss, the law - anybody tells me to do something and I do it, it's because:
1. I agree that it's the right thing to do.
2. I don't want to deal with the consequences of not doing it.
3. I don't think it's worth arguing over.

The fact that someone has been placed in a position of authority over me doesn't motivate me, whatsoever. If I don't want to do (or feel like doing) what I've been told to do (1), the consequences are negligible (2), and it's going to put me through a significant bit of trouble (3), I'm most likely not going to do it.

And if you really think about it, you'll realize that most people operate the same way.

On top of that, I really just hate taking orders. Like when I'm minding own business, doing my job, and someone tells me, "Hey, Chris, why don't you try this? Try doing it this way. Thanks, man." Constructive criticism. Fair enough, right? I'll take it, consider it and rethink my methods. But there's this little Christian Bale in my mind that goes totally ape$#!%.

What, we're getting poor reviews? I just don't care. I'd like to. It'd be nice if I did.

I've realized that I will probably never be motivated by "the good of the company." I will probably never care if my supervisor likes me. I can't see myself striving to impress. That doesn't mean I won't do my job well, but I don't know if I'll want to "go the extra mile" to put a smile of someones face.

Maybe it's a character flaw. Maybe I'm selfish. Maybe I'm just a douche. Maybe I just need to deal with it and get used to having people in charge of me.

Millions upon millions of workers get up every day, and go to jobs they don't care about and perform just as I've described. You know them. They walk around like Wally from Dilbert, avoiding all the real work they can and stay under the radar until 5 o'clock. If I end up in a cubicle, I know I'll be that guy.

Maybe I can succeed, motivated by my own success, working for something I believe in, without someone else breathing down my neck, making sure he get's his money. Maybe I can find a career where I can at least work alone and get credit for my own work, instead of just being drop in somebody's "labor" bucket.

I'd probably be doing the world a favor. No one needs another Wally.

All Hell Breaks Loose: 'How My Phone Is Taking Over My Life' Part 2

2009-02-23T20:29:00.003-05:00

I was at a meeting tonight. A staff meeting at my job. ...I know, the story sounds ordinary enough, as it begins. Stay with me. I don't want to be alone, right now...

It started off like any other staff meeting would. Employees arrived and took their seats. Small talk, jokes - absolute normalcy. Our manager spoke, as he usually does, in a manner similar to that of Michael Scott, only without the jokes. Eh, less jokes, anyway.

I sat, as patiently as I could, as our manager went over his new list of old rules. I shot glances at my coworkers too the left and the right, mumbling one-liners no one would hear, just to keep myself occupied while he explained our policies. All was well on planet Earth. Birds flew. Waters flowed. Children laughed and played.

Then it all came crashing down in a single instant... There's an old saying I'm sure you've heard. It goes, "All good things must come to an end." And in that one, catastrophic moment, they all did.

No cell phones.

We can't even bring them in the building.

This is like Katrina, 9/11 and Metro Station all rolled into one...

How My Phone Is Taking Over My Life

2009-02-20T16:05:00.000-05:00

See, I thought I was smart, opting for the "smartphone." I thought I was smart, opting for the unlimited data plan, with a quadrillion texts. I thought I was smart, setting up my email on my phone and enabling email notifications for every service I use. I thought I was smart, installing those Twitter applications...

Now, I'm on my phone constantly - and I don't even call anybody!

It's just so easy to do! I'm in the line at Wal Mart, on breaks at work, while walking across the house - at any boring moment, my Blackjack starts talking to me. He's like "Bro, check Twitter. While you're at it, check your blog reader! Hey, someone wrote on you Facebook wall. I bet you're wondering what Obama's doing? Dude, Soulja Boy is so crazy, look at what he said about Bow Wow! Hey, I bet there's more news on the Star Trek movie. Bro, another email! This text joke is so funny, you better forward it! What were your work hours, again? Hey, there's a new Marvel vs. DC on YouTube!"

My phone has become such a big a part of my life, I'm not sure what I'd do without it. Losing my phone, or just going back to a basic, non-smartphone would be like losing my TV. Or at least, cable.

Why is this bad? Because it's making me more dependent on technology? Because it's taking away valuable time for critical thinking? Is it a manifestation of an underlying anxiety issue?

No.

It's bad because I don't wear a suit!

Now, if I had a job that required me to wear a suit, this would be perfectly acceptable behavior! People in suits are always on their phones and no one question's them. We just assume they're doing business.

If I had a suit, my friends and co-workers wouldn't think, "Why is this guy always messing with his phone? He's such a loser and I hate his guts. I hope he gets hit by a helicopter..."

Instead, they would think, "Wow. That dude is so successful. You can tell, because he's got that phone and that suit. He's probably trading stocks or something. Setting up a golf date with some CEO, probably. I bet he's got so much money. I wish I was as rich as him. Look at him, with his business suit, tapping away... I bet his hands are so dexterous. I wanna be as dexterous as him. He's probably ambidexterous... He's got so many friends, I bet. I wish I had that many friends. I want to be his friend... I wonder if he's seeing anyone... Mmm..."

Whatever... I'ma go set up AIM on this peice...

I'm a Blogger!

2009-02-17T22:24:00.000-05:00

I've recently come to think of myself that way. It's not that it's my defining trait, or that I consider it anything like an occupation. It's that I've tried to put myself in the mindset that this isn't just something I do when I'm bored. That's included talking to bloggers (still working on that), trying to expose my blog to people that aren't predisposed to support my (read: friends) and, most importantly, reading blogs.

I'm really enjoying it. But I'm not so good about commenting and I'm starting to realize why most of my readers don't do it. It's okay. The comments you give in person mean a lot more.

Also, though, this blog has become a little less about talking to friends and a bit more about speaking to the world. Is the world reading this? Nah. But it's more than just classmates, these days. I've recently realized that there are many, many bloggers out there who are doing the same thing, and they appreciate each other. And that kinda feels good.

I started this blog testing the waters. I was seeing if what I did on Xanga and MySpace would still be fun. Since then, it's gone from straight babbling to, well, mostly babbling. More importantly, it's gone from an escape from boredom to a hobby.

I'm saying all this because I realized today that it's been six months since I started this blog. It's kind of a milestone. I've even decided to post the Followers gadget, which you'll see to your right. I'm not gonna lie, with one follower, I didn't want it up there. I'm not entirely sure how it even works. I know if you're on Blogger, you can use it to easily subscribe. If you use some other blog service, it may work the same way, I have no idea. And if you don't have profile on a blog service... well, you just keep reading like you do now, okay? Cool.

So yeah. Here's to six more months of genius and awesome, eh?

...Hey, it ain't Guinness!

Thanks for reading, guys.

Lily, I Need You! ...Well, Pretty Much...

2009-02-11T22:49:00.021-05:00

So, I've been trying to get Lily Allen's new album, "It's not Me, It's You." It hasn't been working out, and it's pretty much my fault. Truth is, I just don't care enough. At first, I was pretty much anticipating it, if you can "pretty much anticipate" stuff. I was excited to read in the Sunday paper that Best Buy would have it for $9.99.

Not bad.

The album came out Tuesday, like CDs usually do, and I went to bed the night before, dead set on coppin' dat ish in the morning, son.

I ate breakfast, which included a single, gross boiled egg (are the brown ones supposed to taste different?), and was about to get dressed when I remembered that I had about 1/8th of a tank of gas in my car. If I went to Best Buy, which is 30 minutes away, I'd have to stop and get gas.

I know what you're thinking: "That is the beginning of the dumbest argument, ever, dumbhead. If you don't buy gas today, you'll just have to buy it the next time you got out. You're dumb, dummy."

Please, don't even act like you haven't done it. Besides, that wasn't all. It was the only place I needed to go. 30 minutes there, 30 minutes back. An hour's worth of gas, just for a CD (yeah, I measure gas in minutes, got problems?).

Now, I've got friends, reading this now, thinking "I know Chris would totally make that drive for a CD!" And if Lily Allen had been one of my favorite artists, like, in my top 50, there would have been no question as to whether I was going out or not.

Yeah... I'm pretty sure I could list 50 artists I would have made that drive for...

But Lily Allen? She's just not up there. I think I'll like the album. And if it's as good as the first, I'll be glad I bought it. But I knew that if I waited until the next day, I'd already be driving more than halfway to Best Buy, just to get to work. Unfortunately for Lily's release day sales numbers, I decided to save the gas and get it before work, Wednesday (yesterday, for those having trouble keeping up).

Hooray ~~beer~~ math!

Yesterday morning I had everything timed just right. I left the house about 45 minutes before I needed to be at work, which was only 20 minutes away. Now, Best Buy was about 10 minutes past work, but Target was on the way to work. The plan was that I would stop at Target and look for the CD on the way to work. If it cost much more than $9.99, I would go to Best Buy after work.

$13.99

I almost bought it, but I didn't. My next thought: ~~Disney World~~ Walmart! I had time to stop and still make it to work on time! Bwaha! ...But the album is explicit and Walmart only sells clean and edited albums. Quite the double standard, if you ask me. They sell all kinds of R rated movies and M rated games.

Zombie Strippers, anyone?

Whatever, I decided to wait for Best Buy.

Five minutes before I got off work, I got a phone call from home asking me to pick up a pizza on the way back. Of course, I accepted. I woudn't kick kittens into traffic and I wouldn't turn down a pizza. I'm human.

Dad agreed to call in the order. But as I walked out of work, it hit me. It would take me about 30 minutes longer to get to the pizza place (and home) if I went to Best Buy. I thought about calling back and asking Dad to delay his order by half an hour, but it just felt rude...

Maybe I'll buy it today. But today is a like Tuesday, I don't have any other reason to go out. 30 minutes there, 30 minutes back. An hour's worth of gas, just for a CD.

I can't win.

Whoa! I just found two ink pens and my old copy of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (the book) behind my bed.

...These are nice pens!

AAAAAHHHHHH! ...geez!

2009-02-09T22:48:00.013-05:00

I'm mad... I should say, I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated with our blender. Why? Because the second the blades begin to spin, they create an air bubble inside of which the blades continue to spin, leaving everything else in the blender safe from mutilated, fruit bliss. It takes about .8 seconds from the time the blades begin spinning for the bubble to form.

Start. Stop. Jab with a spoon. Repeat.

Now, I don't know jack skellington about blenders, but I can only assume that this phenomenon should be attributed to poor construction, a.k.a. cheapashellness.

Whatevs. That's not important. The real problem is that I let myself get stressed too easily. I nearly blew a gasket (whatever that is) trying to make a smoothie the other night. I ended up dumping half of it on the counter and letting it sit there while I ate the rest.

Okay, so the spill was an accident. The point is that I didn't care. I sat there, festering in anger, eating the chunky remainder with a spoon.

I've been trying to relax, or learn how to. It's the major reason I'm not in school this semester. I have to learn to calm down. Simply not having anything to worry about helps a lot, but these little things like blenders get me all bothered. Funny thing is, people hardly seem to notice. I guess on the outside, I just look frustrated or upset. But on the inside, I feel like putting throwing blenders into traffic, at rush hour.

I've got to stop wiggin' out.

One thing that always seems to help my mood, though, is music. It helps me relax, even if only temporarily. When I'm upset, I can just throw on something fun and before too long, I find myself lost it. Maybe that's part of why we have it.

Here are some songs that really seem to help brighten my mood, these days:

"I Know UR Girlfriend Hates Me" - Annie
"Overpowered by Funk" - The Clash
"Food Fight!" - Be Your Own Pet
"40 oz" - BrokeNCYDE
"I Wana Go" - Soulja Boy
"Kaliforn-Eye-A" - P.O.D. feat. Mike Muir
"Sound Of Kuduro" - Buraka Som Sistema
"Come On" - Stanley Clarke

What do you guys do to cool down? What keeps you from losing your mind when the stray mutt of fate pees on your shoes?

Seriously... I wanna know...

The Grammy's

2009-02-08T23:03:00.012-05:00

In the past, the Grammy awards have only served to frustrate and disappoint me. This has not changed. The Recording Academy and I don't see eye to eye. There criteria is... lacking? I won't say that. I can't say that. Truth be told, their criteria is a complete mystery to me. I can't even put myself in their shoes. I can't adopt that mindset. I can't follow the tracks of the train of thought that could lead to their conclusions.

Being me, I watched the entire Pre-Telecast online, with Tia Carrere and Wayne Brady. That's when they award the majority of Grammys (100, I think). And of course, I watched the television broadcast, so I did see every Grammy awarded. And, simply put: I just don't understand their definition of "best."

I once thought of how I would choose the winners, if I had my own award show. I considered the options and decided on what criteria I would judge by. Then I realized that I had reinvented the Billboard Music Awards. Ah, well...

I could crack jokes. I could rag on the many, many performers that I feel didn't deserve their awards. But I won't. There's no point in making fun or putting people down. It won't accomplish anything. So I'll just say this:

I'm very happy for Alison Krauss, Taylor Swift is gorgeous (photo lifted from here), and M.I.A. was rocking that nine-month baby.

...and, uh...

Katy Perry can't sing and now the world knows.

Robert Plant looks homeless.

The Jonas Brothers sound terrible and have no business sharing the stage with Stevie Wonder.

Jonas Brothers > Paul McCartney.

I still don't see what the world sees in Radiohead.

The Lifetime Achievement awards are overdone to the point of meaninglessness and nobody cares.

I don't care how great Heath Ledger was, The Dark Knight's score was dull, emotionless and
entirely unremarkable.

"Lollipop" as Best Rap Song?

Everyone has their own preferences, but I'm pretty sure nobody likes Kid Rock, anymore...

...Whoops... it slipped out...

Um, anyway, did you watch the Grammys? What did you think of the awards and the performances? Am I crazy?

If you didn't catch it, here's the full list of Grammy nominees and winners.

"...But Robots? No, They're Just Lights and Clockwork"

2009-02-06T23:14:00.010-05:00

Sorry, bruh. There are three able-bodied Food Lion employees right over there, crackin' jokes. They know all about grocery and putting it in bags. They can handle it.

It's something I still don't understand: self-checkouts. Sure, they can be faster when the lines are longer and I don't have much. And when the situation arises that I have one or two items to buy, I'll use them. But I hate it like mayonnaise. I just can't stand the idea of waiting in line, ringing up my own crap, then bagging it, just so Wal-Mart can downsize a couple of minimum wage employees.

And the technology is far from perfected. The machines literally don't know apples from oranges, they freak out if you scan too fast, and I'm pretty sure I heard one call me the "N word," the other day. I say we get rid of the things and hire more teens. If I'm gonna have to deal with incompetent employees, I'd rather they have a faces.

It's okay, though. This came up in shuffle and cheered me up.

Is that Eva Mendes in the car?

What I Won't Do To My Kids

2009-02-04T23:45:00.007-05:00

Where I work, we host parties. Mostly birthday parties for small children. We have places for them to run around, fart and play, play and fart. Then we round them all up and send them into a "Party Room" for the traditional cake and opening of the presents. Being one that works in the 'fart and play' area, I see a lot of parents and kids interacting.

It's a place meant for parents and children to have fun together, but often sees them at odds. We have rules. Kids break them. It's interesting to watch the parenting that takes place, at most times, but things can get disturbing for a guy like me, who just doesn't understand them. I see parents do some things that I really admire. And sometimes I'm stunned by things I know I would never do. Parenting styles vary a lot, and I think maybe I'm starting to see where I'll fall.

Yesterday, I saw a dad snap as his daughter, telling her "Don't pout if you're not hurt!" The girl was maybe 10 and, that's a fair enough thing to expect a child to do, I guess. But it was one of those moments that would have prompted other moms to glance over to see what happened, then turn back and say "Hmph." To me, it just felt cold. A few minutes later, he shouted at his son for running. To be fair, the kid did almost knock over a little girl. But still, again, it just felt cold. What this man lacked was a loving inflection.

This guy walked around with his jaw clenched tight, and probably his butt cheeks, too. He seldom talked to his kids other than to tell them what to do. He had cute, well-behaved children and a gorgeous hottie for a wife, but he still walked around like he was using red pepper toilet paper.

He came off as the former jock type. Perhaps, in his heyday, he was star of the football team, with his arm around one cheerleader and his letterman jacket on another. Maybe he missed the good ol' days when praises radiated from the stands as people shouted his name, "Mean Dad! Mean Dad! Mean Dad!" Maybe he's mad that he has four kids (at least). Maybe he's mad because his wife wasn't the hottest girl in school (though I doubt it, 'cause, oh man). Maybe someone slipped a Whoopee Corncob in his seat. Or maybe it really was the Chipotle Charmin.

Or maybe, his father yelled at him, growing up, and that's just the way he knows to do it.

My guess is it's the shouting. But I've noticed I don't shout. My dad doesn't shout. My grandfather didn't shout. My other grandfather never shouts. We get mad, like everyone else. We get in arguments. We just don't raise our voices.

In my dad's dad's case, he changed his life and just stopped getting angry. My mother, on the other hand, can't even remember a time her father ever yelled at anyone. I can't think of a time my dad ever shouted or yelled. My parents seldom argue, to my knowledge. But on those occasions, the shouting is one-sided. Regardless of the difference in volume, my father maintains his unchallenged position as head of the household, with all the respect and reverence that comes with it. He just does it with a calm tone.

Not shouting wouldn't be a problem for me. It's just not something I find myself motivated to do. And I certainly don't see myself yelling at children. But could I maintain a position of firm authority that way, without ever having to scare my kids into obedience? It can be done, sure. Dad pulled it off. It looks like both my grandfathers managed to do it. But can I? Only time will tell, I guess.

This is just me thinking, of course. I don't really know what I'm going to do and not do to my future children. But I do know I won't be yelling at them.

I can tell already that I'm going to be more like a Danny Tanner than an Uncle Bernie.

I miss Bernie Mac...

"Well, Mr. Williams..."

2009-02-03T00:28:00.009-05:00

I went to the dentist, yesterday. It's not my favorite.

Anyway, it was just a routine cleaning. No big deal. I just don't like being in places where people routinely dish out bad news. You know, places like the doctor's office, the dentist's office, the auto shop - they're all the same. I walk in, sit down and pass the time playing memory games like "What Time Did I Poop Seven Days Ago?" See, I really think that victory, being such a feat in memory mastery, would be enough to earn a good report, but I never win. I still have to wait and see.

And the revelation is the worst part! It's the same everywhere: the doctor/dentist/mechanic walks in, drying/wiping/wringing his hands and says, "Well, Mr. Williams..." And it's at that very moment that the monotonous tone of their voice and the emotionless expression on their face remind you that your condition won't affect them, that they deliver out bad news every day, and that regardless of what they say next, they're going to walk out the room and go about their business. I, on the other hand, have to deal with the results, whatever they may be...

The dentist's report was just fine, but boy do I hate that, "Well, Mr. Williams!"

My Picks for the Funniest Super Bowl Ads of 2009

2009-02-01T22:36:00.016-05:00

This year had some great commercials and most of them were really funny. I found myself, and those around me, laughing quite a bit. And oddly, the laughs weren't coming from the usual places. See, when I sit down for the Super Bowl, I consider the top contenders for "funniest ad," to be Bud Light and Pepsi. In my opinion, this year's Bud Light ads were the weakest I can remember. Heck, even Budweiser's Clydesdales didn't seem to "hit'cha right here," like they usually do. And Pepsi? "PepSuber." That's all I can say about that... *sigh*

So who brought the heat, this year? Like I said, not the expected. Here are my picks for the Funniest Super Bowl Ads of 2009:

Now, obviously, I'm not King of Commercials and you might not agree with my list. You should make your own list (or just tell me what you think I'm missing). If you do make your own list, show it too me. I'd love to see it! You can see a vast majority of Super Bowl ads from this year and last year on Hulu.com. Unfortunately, despite the fact that Hulu was promoted as the official online host of Super Bowl ads, they don't seem to have every ad. I suppose you could scrounge up the rest on YouTube, like I did for number 2.

Good Luck!

What? Seriously?

2009-01-31T01:00:00.000-05:00

I've got to be the least observant person in the world. I miss freakin' everything.

"Whoa, did you see what she was wearing?"
"Huh? Nah, I must've missed it..."

"You remember how to get to my house, right?"
"Um... Could you remind me?"

It's a problem. The truth is, my mind is constantly occupied. If I'm not focused on a task, my thoughts are elsewhere. If I'm in the car with you and we're not talking, don't you think for a second that I'm reading streets signs or committing the trip to memory. I'm thinking about something I've done, something I have to do in the future or something totally off the wall.

The same is true for social situations. I'm not sure if I just can't read body language or if I really just don't see it. But I don't get those hints. If you're not using words, I'm not reading you.

Is it a problem? I dunno...

_______________

I've been sick lately. Some kind of nasty cold. I haven't had a good night's sleep in a while. I wake up about five times a night. But today, just this afternoon, I started feeling better. I hope the trend continues.

_______________

We had some house guests about a week ago. A couple of family friends. One of them has a real God-given gift of insight. He is also known to speak prophetically, which I've witnessed in the past. God speaks to him. Well, during the visit, he said he wanted to sit down with me for a chat. I'm always stressed, and people can see it, so I expected a question like, "what's on your mind?" But no. He knew what was on my mind. He started talking about the very things that were bothering me - things I've only talked about with a couple close friends. Stuff my parents didn't even know. He started offering advice, good advice, on those specific issues.

The big thing, though, is that several times throughout the visit, he expressed what he saw in my future. And it was big. I don't really know how to take it. I would have never doubted the guy if he wasn't talking about me...

_______________

I just realized that I had a CD that hadn't been ripped to my computer. I wonder if there could be another...

_______________

This entry was originally going to be entirely about obesity. I decided against it... But I may post it later. :P

_______________

So... Lil Wayne wasn't kidding when he said he was gonna do a rap album. He just released his first single on iTunes and such. I'm not gonna lie, I kinda dig it.
Lil Wayne is nominated for 8 Grammys for Tha Carter III, a couple of which I think he deserves. But he also had the biggest selling album of '08. Sorry, Weezy, but top sellers don't get Grammys. Grammys are for old people, dead people and outspoken liberals. We'll see what happens...

Why I Don't Have A Dog

2009-01-28T21:18:00.009-05:00

This is one of the few times I could pose the question, "what's the point?" and genuinely not know. Millions of Americans have pet dogs, so there must be something to it. Is it playing with the dog? Is it companionship? Or is it the godlike feeling of having a creature's life in your hands?

Now, when I was in third grade, my parents thought it would be nice to get me a dog. My mother brought it home, one day, as a surprise. I was ecstatic! My own dog! He lasted a couple weeks before my parents decided to give him away. I don't even remember his name - or even it's gender. See, it didn't take long for me to realize that the dog was nothing but work. "He" (still assuming) needed to be fed, cleaned up after, etc. And the fact of the matter is that I didn't like the little guy too much.

All he did was bark, poop, pee and vomit. Fun times. I guess if I had trained him well, he would have learned to bark less, pee and poop outside and re-ingest him own vomit. But what are the pros?

Dogs are naked. They run around everywhere, romping in the dirt in their naked bodies, then they want to run around the house, lay on the furniture and shed hair? In my house? Forget that! And that's not enough for them. Dogs always want to be on you, too. I'm sorry, but "animals" and "on people," don't mix, in my book. And I certainly don't want them licking me. Dude! Do you realize that dogs let their nuts hang out in the open? They drag those jokers around outside, too. Then they lick their nuts. Then they lick you. Will pass.

thxbai

Don't get me wrong, I did my duties, but it just wasn't worth it. All the little bugger did was make noise and make messes, neither of which I was fond of. And I didn't like playing with him. Sure, I would take him outside and throw sticks. He would bring them right back, too. Yay... If I ever accidentally threw a stick that I really needed, I'd have a way to get it back without walking to it. If I was lucky, I could pick the stick up before the little guy touched me.

And, of course, there is the argument of companionship. A dog as a companion. Tell me, whose life sucks so bad, that they get excited to see a dog? I can just see it, Jimmy gets home from a hard day's work, opens the door, and a dog runs up to greet him. "Yay! Doggy! I'm so glad to see you! You're my buddy!" Jimmy allows the dog to practice nut-licking on his face. Meanwhile, the dog's thinking, "Food man, food man! Food please?! I pissed your couch! Food?" I think I would rather be lonely than to know that it's an animal that makes me feel needed.

Now, I was one told that if I didn't want to take care of a dog, I would feel the same way about a baby. I beg to differ. Babies are people. They grow to be children, teenagers and adults. I see the difference.

I don't know where it came from, but people somehow got the idea that dogs have souls or that they feel and express love. They protect and comfort their providers, like those pain dogs that lick your face when you start seizing. Is that love? Some would say so. I'd call it instincts. Dogs naturally protect their providers. They can also be trained to do a lot of things, too. And they know where the food comes from. I guess I'm just one of those crazy creationists that believe God made people and God made animals, He gave one dominion over the other, and that the two don't have much in common. I see no reason to think that dogs are special animals or that they're any more of a "higher being" than rats and roaches. And unless your dog is doing something for you, I don't see the point of keeping one around. The way I see it, people just want to be cared about, and some people convince themselves that an animal can do that.

But hey, if you want to keep a dog, that's fine. If you find joy in being licked and jumped on, have a ball. Just don't expect me to play with it when I come over. To me, it's still just a piss/poop/fur machine - and I don't see any reason why you'd let in your house.

I'm sure there are dog lovers out there that would tell me, "you just don't know," or "you haven't had a dog long enough." And to them I say:

I've seen your animals. I've seen what they do. I'll pass.

My President Is Black

2009-01-24T17:01:00.008-05:00

I figured that since I acted like the election didn't happen, I ought to at least post a little something about the inauguration.

Did I think it would happen? Did I expect to see an African-American President? Not this soon. In fact, I didn't really see it as a real possibility until my friends and I were actually on our way to the polls. But I guess I'm not the best judge of racial standings. So yes, yes. Black President. Hoo-rah. I guess I should be happy that the door is open for black people to become President, but I can't really think of any black people I'd trust.

I try not to get too political on this blog, but it's not news that my views are very conservative. I don't agree with much of anything Obama promised to do. I'm one of those crazy conservatives that labels Obama as a socialist.

But enough about that, this was supposed to be about the inauguration. I didn't see it, but I sure enough heard about it. The one thing that stuck out to me, in all the reports and blogs is the booing of President Bush. Was that really a surprise? Sure it's incredibly rude and obnoxious. Sure it's immature and disrespectful. Sure, it's never happened before. But what do you expect when you have that many black people in the same place? Chaos! Add a black President and you should be happy nobody died! Reminds me of a funny Chris Rock bit.

Running the Wrong Race?

2009-01-19T22:33:00.006-05:00

I have big dreams and lofty goals. There are things that I've never thought I could be happy without, and I still don't know. There is a war zone in my mind. The war waged on that battlefield is between myself and the counter-self that tells me that nothing I do is good enough, that I can't reach my goals. It's a loud voice and I don't fight it well. I take the beating, often agreeing, and live life in self-defeat.

That's no way to life and there's no happiness waiting down that path. So, where have I gone wrong? I judge myself by what other people do and what other people accomplish, comparing the results of my actions to the results others see from similar actions. When I do what they do and don't get what they get, I get mad. Then I lose the will to fight.

What I should be doing is judging myself by the life Christ lived. And when I do, even briefly, consider my dreams and goals in that light, I see that many exist in areas of life not deemed worthy of note in the records of Christ's life, written by his close friends.

Now, Christ wasn't an ordinary man; he was placed here for one specific purpose. But before he fulfilled that purpose, he lived the definitive Christian life. We were told to live like him and, frankly, that's enough to worry about. It's all we need to worry about.

Don't get the wrong idea. I don't want anyone reading this to think this is about school or something like that. I have bigger things on my plate. I'm just saying that you should live the life you were meant to live and take comfort in the fact that that's everything you were meant to be.

Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:

He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

-Psalm 37:3-6

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.

-1 John 5: 14-15

The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

-Galations 6:8-10

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

-1 Corinthians 9: 24-27

5 Inventions That We Better Have By 2010

2009-01-13T00:39:00.041-05:00

Spread the word, readers. I'm sending out an emergency notice to all professional and aspiring inventors, to the technologically inclined, to anyone with creative tendencies. 2009 is here and 2010 is right around the corner. Time flies, doesn't it!? I don't know about you, but to me it seems like just yesterday that we were stocking up on canned beans and Band-Aids in anticipation of the pending Y2K catastrophe.

That was almost 10 years ago and in those ten years, we've made some remarkable advancements in science and technology. Everyone got cameras in their phones, the iPod killed the portable CD player and all television should be digital by the end of next month. It's crazy! DVDs broke into the market and now that everyone's bought a player, they're on the way out. That was all entertainment, wasn't it? You know what'cha know, I guess...

Unfortunately, despite our technological leaps and bounds, technology is not advancing in all of the areas some of us had hoped. So I've compiled a list of five of the most desperately needed pieces of technology that have not yet been invented.

I believe this list is fair and reasonable. Only time will tell, but inventing these things within the year doesn't seem like an unobtainable goal.

1. Cool Shoes We Don't Have To Tie
Now, I wouldn't look down on an adult for wearing Velcro shoes. It's quick and easy, and it holds your shoes on. I think it's a reasonable alternative to traditional laces. No tripping over the laces, no laces dragging on the ground, getting all germy. I'm cool with it, really. Velcro shoes are a fashion no-no. And nobody wants Perez on the %$# (hur hur). Some shoes have elastic, but that makes them slip-ons and that means they slip off. There must be an unembarassing way to hold your shoes securely in place, in place without tying them up with strings. Someone just needs to find it.

Come on, Nike, I know you'll have "Power Laces" by 2015, but let's put a little hustle in it, kay?

2. A Replacement For Dental Floss
Dental floss has been around for almost 200 years, according to all-knowing Wikipedia. WTH, world? You must be kidding me. When Astronauts, en route to the moon finish their freeze-dried meals and need to clean their teeth, they have to reach for a roll of string to run through their teeth. Maybe I just think string, itself, is dated, but sliding it through my teeth feels like something I shouldn't have to do, anymore. It's a time consuming hassle.

Let's but an end to this, people. Find me another way to clean between my McNugget grinders.

3. A Universal Instant Messenger
Imagine if cell phone users couldn't talk to people on other networks? That's the situation we're in with instant messengers. People gravitate to the messenger that most of their friends use, and the rest get left out. Some people go through the trouble of running multiple messengers or using clients that support various accounts, such as Digsby or Trillian - but most just stick to one messenger. I can't be the only person with that one friend who uses the oddball messenger, because all of his other friends use it. Why instant messaging didn't turn out the way telephone and email did, I don't know. But it's a frustrating problem because it could have been avoided.

Since this has already become an area of competition, we need a messenger that no one can turn down. Then we'll have a messenger that everyone uses.

4. A Crippling Mac Virus
Okay, look. I don't have a problem with Apple. I don't have anything against Macs. I just can't stand arrogant Mac users that frown on PCs like they're a thing of the past.
There are plenty of reasons for owning a Mac, but one really bothers me. We've all heard it: "Macs get less viruses." It's true, too, and it's a big selling point. But it's not fair. People who make computer viruses get off on sending masses of people into panic. They're are a lot less Mac owners out there than PC and, plain and simple, it wouldn't be as much fun.
Well, folks, times are changing. Macs run Windows and college students are flocking to The Apple Store in droves. It is time for a front page-worthy virus to shut Justin Long up, once and for all and make these college students rethink their split-second decisions to go Mac.

So, come on guys! Nuke the Bagel Bites, break out the Ritz and Cheez Whiz. Grab a Vault and get to it!

So consider this a call to action. Spread the word. Alert the press. Call your local representatives. Heck, phone a friend! Tell every scientist, you know! If you don't know any scientists, tell some science students! Tell somebody with glasses. Even if these things don't get invented, something might!

So, if you've been counting, you're probably wondering where number 5 is. Well, I'm leaving number 5 up to you. Leave a comment and let me know what you think needs to be invented by 2010! Think hard, somebody may invent it. Heck, you may think of something you can make and become a millionaire!

I'm My Buddy! You Can Be Yours!

2009-01-10T16:35:00.006-05:00

I talk to myself. I do it a lot. Sometimes it's in third person, asking myself questions, but it's usually just me thinking out loud. I know it sounds crazy, but I swear, I'm not. Of course, I'd be the last to know, wouldn't I?

It's really not a bad idea. You would probably be surprised how often you would catch yourself thinking something crazy, once you've heard it come out of somebody's mouth. In fact, I'd recommend running a ideas past yourself before you put them in action. Even small decisions. Especially small decisions - those are the ones you don't think about.

Those "wait, why did I do that?" moments could be avoided.

______________

I intend to get a lot of new clothes over the coming months. You may have figured I didn't, but I do realize that I wear a t-shirt and jeans, every day. I've been that way for a couple years, now. Now I actually feel like changing. First some new jackets, then I'll move on to mixing up the shirts. You may see me in a button-up, soon.

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Did you know that you can access YouTube on your mobile? It's my understanding that there was a separate mobile YouTube just videos uploaded by phones. Well, now all the videos are available on the mobile site. It works surprisingly well, too. It doesn't look too great, but the videos load fairly quickly for me, only buffering at the start. I'm sure it varies a lot among different devices, but you ought to check it out. Of course, be warned, it requires huge data transfers, so make sure your plan can handle it.

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I'm gonna work on this layout. Maybe tonight. I've just been templates and they're mad lame. I haven't really messed with HTML since high school, but I'd rather have a crappy layout I made that to keep these templates.

You Know What Bugs Me?

2009-01-04T20:02:00.005-05:00

50,000 people asking "So, when are you headed back to school?" It doesn't vary much, you know? A couple of weeks, max. I know they're just making small talk, but geez! Does everyone have to use the same line? It's all I've been hearing since the day I got home.
When people diss stuff they know nothing about, then want to show you stuff you know you don't like.
House guests.
The weight loss supplement commercials that mention "poor diet" last on their list contributing factors for obesity.
Mall goths.
Jelly that won't spread.
Wapanese kids.
Being in a hurry for anything.
Group decisions decided by the minority, because the majority knows they'll get fussy.
People who talk to me when I'm clearly wearing headphones and make a show of how loud they had to yell for me to hear them.
Carrying change.
People who talk down on hip-hop and pop, like it's easy to make hit songs.
People who ask "really?" every time you tell them something. Of course, I do that all the time...

_______

Lately, I can't seem to get up in the mornings. I've flubbed 2 (almost 3) commitments by oversleeping - with an alarm.

_______

All the way through 8th grade, I listened to almost nothing but rock. Then I discovered Michael Jackson and I've been finding new pop to love ever since. He opened my eyes to a genre I had been ignoring for no reason, and it did wonders for my music collection. I think Alison Krauss and Lil Wayne may be doing the same thing, for two totally different genres, at the same time. All I can say is 2009 is going to be a very exciting year for me and music.

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I've said it before, but I'm really excited about this story. Preview coming soon.

Open Mic Night

2008-12-27T02:02:00.012-05:00

It's a question I've been pondering for a couple of days. When I say here, I mean the internet. More specifically social networks. Sure, I use Facebook to communicate with friends, and MySpace to keep up with musicians, but why do I feel the need to use Blogger or Twitter? Is that I really want to connect with people? Or am I just one of the millions of mistaken kids who think the internet will make them popular?

I'm just gonna admit it, come out and tell you what it is. I want the world to care what I think. That's all there is to it. I want the world to listen when I speak. I want to be important. Who doesn't? The success of networks like Blogger, MySpace and YouTube just go to show that everyone wants to share how they feel, what they think, what they like and what they hate.

The internet is a big place and millions are fighting for the spotlight. I don't think there's any shame in it. You have the opportunity to impact millions.

See, we are the first generation to really live our lives with the internet, but we're also a generation that got to live through the transition. And we're still living through it. We were there when the internet became accessible from the average home. We were there when the internet became a required information tool for students. We're here, now, watching as the internet becomes as much of a necessity as the telephone.

Just take a moment and think about how quickly it happened. If you're my age, you remember when people didn't need computers in their homes. Heck, my dad had a laptop from work, but I was in 9th grade when we got a PC. Just think about that. I didn't have a computer until high school - and it didn't matter!

I've come to a conclusion: it would be foolish to pass up a chance to perform on the world's biggest stage. Your thoughts, your knowledge, your talents - the world is watching, but they'll only see you if what you have to offer is incredible. My situation in that I just don't have an act. I'm standing, shouting babbles, in the town square of the world.

I mean, I can express thoughts like anyone else, offer a few opinions, but nothing sets me apart. I am different. I'm not like the millions of others vying for attention on the world wide web. There's no one in the world quite like me. We were are all created unique. The thing is, I don't know what it is I have that no one else can offer. I don't know what it is that I have that the world would want.

I have a couple of ideas...

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Is the internet the ideal way to make your mark on the world? Pshh, who knows? It's certainly one way. It's probably one of the easier ways. Is it reasonable to hope to make a bigger impact than Rickrolling or Chuck Norris Facts? Maybe not yet - but we're getting there. Consider how big of a role the internet played in the recent Presidential election. Candidates on YouTube, Facebook and MySpace? That's never going to end. Internet social networks are officially a campaign necessity. Businesses are doing the same thing.

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If there was ever a post I'd love to hear your opinions on, it's this one.

Putting Me Out Of My Misery...

2008-12-24T17:13:00.009-05:00

I'm frustrated with the story I'm writing, because I keep overhauling it. I feel thrilled about it one day, then I switch up, entirely. See, the problem is that I'm not attached to the story. I set out to write a fiction story because I wanted to write a fiction story, not because I felt inspired. So I can, and do, constantly change the fundamental elements of the storyline. There's nothing concrete, because I started with nothing.

Does that make sense? I can't write a story that way. I can't write about something I don't care about. I mean, I can, but it's no fun and there's nothing motivating me. I even thought about setting a deadline for myself in order to push myself. But even if that worked, the story would like any passion. It'd be like school work.

A good story has to start with a spark, not just a thought. It has to be an idea that will push you through the times you don't feel like writing. You have to love it, you have to care to the point that your desire to see the work completed outweighs everything else. The story may not be dead. If I truly feel inspired to, I'll go back to it.

So what now? Well, many people, including myself, would consider writing fan fiction kind of a nerdy thing to do. Fan fiction, of course, is when one writes fiction pertaining to something he's a fan of. Say, you wanted to write your own Batman story or your own Star Trek episode. It's common practice, but it's pretty futile. I've always thought about it, but I didn't like the idea of writing something that so few people could enjoy. You can't sell it and it's not canonical, so who's going to care? It's just one guy's idea, right?

Well, it really doesn't matter if anyone else cares, if you truly enjoy writing it. Last night, I found a spark. It literally came to me in a dream. As I remember it, it was just a few seconds long. Hardly a snapshot, but a starting point.

I'm planning what I think will be the greatest work I've ever written. Better than all the stories, better than all the papers. And waaaay better than LifeShift. Yes, it's fan fiction. No, it's not Power Rangers, but I will probably be announcing it in the near future.

Somebody Had To Say It...

2008-12-21T05:41:00.014-05:00

Look guys, nobody said you have to be young to use Facebook, but if you're over 40, your friends list should not be full of kids.

There's no point in getting all bent out of shape because we young people talk on our cell phones while driving. We don't pay attention, anyway. It's either the phone or the stereo. For your own safety, when you see a young driver, just pretend the vehicle is unmanned.

There's a curfew at my local mall. No one under 18 can be in the mall after 5pm on Fridays and Saturdays without a 21 year-old guardian.A "gang fight" broke out a while back, all the old folks lost their minds and the mall was obligated to make a stupid rule. Stop looking to the authority to fix your problems. All they can do is make rules.

I sincerely hope they find out who killed Caylee and bring him/her to justice, who ever that may be. But does anybody really want to see her gorgeous mother go to jail... Or worse?

Nobody likes you, Rosie O'Donnell.

Grocery store. Booty shorts. Your toddler in a stroller. - One of these things is not like the other, one of these things doesn't belong...

Barack Obama is the topic of discussion these days, but let's be honest, a lot of that can be attributed to the fact that his name is really fun to say. I like to say it in my Al Sharpton voice. "Obama Obama Obamaaa!"

You want to help preserve our environmental resources? Cool. But we can plant new trees. Can we put the paper towels back in the restroom?
On January 23rd, The Dark Knight will be re-released in theaters. Give me a break. Sure, it was a great movie. Sure, it broke box office records. But those records are broken every year, sometimes two or three times. People treat The Dark Knight like Jesus. Transformers 2, Wolverine or Harry Potter will break the records next summer and no one will be thinking about The Dark Knight. And if Shia LeBeouf mysteriously died...

"Yes Man" beat "Seven Pounds" at the box office this weekend. Now, I didn't look it up, but this may be the first time in ten or so years that a Will Smith movie didn't open in first place. Wacky Jim Carrey is still funny. Let's have more of that.

Stevie Wonder has confirmed that he's been approached to compete on Dancing With The Stars, and he's considering it... Really, Stevie?

Merry Christmas!

You have one? I wanna hear it. Comment!

The Future

2008-12-20T19:40:00.004-05:00

I thought about this blog a lot today. I'm really glad to have the readers I do. I'm glad you guys care what I'm thinking and want to read it. But I have my good days and bad days. Sometimes I write things I think are relevant and thought provoking, but most of my posts are, admittedly, written simply because of how long it's been since my last post. Like yesterday's.

Well, I'm going to try harder to make my posts more meaningful and I have more time now, but I'm also going to quit posting completely uninspired entries.

But I've come up with a great way to supplement my possible decrease in posts!

TWITTAH!

You may know it as "Twitter." It's kind of like blogging and it's steadily growing in popularity. They've reached agreements and are now working with Facebook and Myspace to set up full integration with both services.

See, Twitter limits all of it's entries to 140 characters. That means that they wont get any longer than the exact length of this paragraph.

These "tweets" can be posted via the web, mobile web or text message. The idea is that you can post as frequently (or infrequently) as you want, saying whatever you're doing or thinking. I'll be using it on a daily basis, sharing my thoughts and observations. Little nuggets of awesome.

And in case you were wondering, no, you don't have to sign up to see my updates. In fact, you can see my most recent updates in the sidebar to the right, whenever you check out my blog. Now, if you use Twitter, feel free to use that link over there and "follow" (subscribe to) my profile.

My B...

2008-12-19T22:15:00.015-05:00

Sorry about that last post, if you happened to read it before I locked the blog. You gotta be quick with this blog if you want the controversy...

Nah, it probably would have only offended a couple of you. But why write if I'm gonna hurt my own friends?

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So... the fiction story I'm writing has totally changed direction. I'm pretty much at square one, right now. But I'm more excited about the story than ever, and I'm still really excited about showing it to you. I mean, I don't want to hype it up, because you might think it sucks. But I think it's pretty unique.

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I'm totally, full-on ready to make a Mighty Morphin Power Rangers film trilogy. I've got the stories all planned out in my head. All I need is about $200 million to film the first one, Ramin Djawadi to compose the scores and DragonForce to remake the theme song.

Seriously, though. MMPR fans are at peak ticket-buying age, now. It's about time.

...maybe I should just write it...

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So, I'm really starting to get into this bluegrass/country music thing. I discovered Alison Krauss over the summer and since then I've bought two albums by Alison Krauss & Union Station albums, three from Emmylou Harris and one from Lee Ann Womack. I think the biggest thing I disliked about country music may have been the male vocalists... Well, that and the songs about nothing. Country musicians can make songs about listening to the radio, buying a drink or sitting on a porch swing, but when rappers write songs about dancing in a club or driving their car, it's meaningless. Fun music is fun. Let it be.

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Kevin Rudolf's "Let It Rock" is the hottest song on the radio.

Chris' Favorite Albums of 2008 (and 2007!)

2008-12-05T12:32:00.030-05:00

This wasn't easy. My mind changed a lot. If you were to ask me tomorrow, the list may be a little different. I was originally going to wait until January to make it, but I was just too excited about it. Besides, there are no upcoming albums this year that I anticipate making a difference.

Only studio albums in my collection that were first released in 2008 were considered. No live albums, EPs, singles, re-releases or albums originally released overseas in 2007 then released in the US in 2008 were considered. I had a pool of 37 albums to choose from.

I tried to choose albums that won't pale with time - albums I know I'll be listening to for the rest of my life. These are albums that I'll be playing for my children, with hopes that they can appreciate them as much as I have.

Also note, this really isn't informative at all. It's not about the music as much as it's just me telling you how much I like it.

So, starting with #5

If you wanted, you could just call this album "Summer 2008," because it's pretty much what I was listening to the whole time. There's really not much great about it, except that it's ridiculously fun. I almost didn't put them on the list because it felt so shallow, like putting Gobstoppers on a list of favorite foods. I mean, it's trendy stuff and The Ting Tings will likely fade with time, but I can't deny how much I love this album and how much I've listened to it.

Even if you're not sure who these guys are, you've probably at least heard "Shut Up and Let Me Go" or "That's Not My Name." The whole album is just as fun and I recommend checking it out.

A track to check out: "We Walk"

#4
That's right, film score. And it's one of the best I've ever heard, ranking right up there with "Superman: The Movie" and "Back to the Future Part 3."

And a lot like the "Back to the Future" films, Djawadi's score adds to the scale of the film. He makes the fight between Iron Man and Iron Monger sound about as epic as a slow motion fistfight between Hercules and Samson in a dark alley during a thunderstorm. This may be the most exciting score I've ever heard. I don't even own the movie yet, but the themes burned many of it's sequences in my brain. It's unforgettable.

Iron Man's theme is fantastic. Ramin Djawadi, a childhood fan of Iron Man, created the basic theme after just seeing the trailer. It's really the coolest aspect of the score it because it's introduced as a theme for Tony Stark, but it evolves throughout the film, becoming bigger and more fleshed out every time Tony reinvents the suit. It's really neat to follow. It makes the first time Tony puts on the final suit about as epic as you could ever hope for.

A guitar-driven film score may seem like a sketchy idea, but it works here and it works well. This score is everything "Transformers" should have been.

A track to check out: "Driving With The Top Down"

The Vines return, rather quickly, after their last effort with a new bassist and their lead singer/songwriter, Craig Nichols a few months away from an Aspergers-induced meltdown. So what do you get? Typical Vines awesomeness. Seriously, Craig is like my own personal um... John Lennon. Music royalty, in my mind. Everything he writes is gold. He just has one of those minds, and it goes unnoticed in the US, which is a shame. The Vines hold the distinction that they are the only band or artist that's put out 3 albums of which I love every single track. Even though there's a track on this album I'm not crazy about, the rest is amazing.

A track to check out: "She Is Gone"

#2

I first noticed Goldfrapp was heard "Lovely 2 C U." You may remember them from when their track "Strict Machine" was used in a commercial unveiling the LG Chocolate in 2006.

I forgot about "Seventh Tree." I was waiting for it, but the released slipped by me. I saw it in Best Buy and freaked out. I actually ended up liking it more that I expected. It's more mellow than most of what Goldfrapp has put out. It's not "danceable," like their other albums. They really abandoned what had made them popular. I listened to it all the time. It's just that kind of music you can play all the time without getting tired of it. I shoved this album in other people's faces, trying to make them listen, confident that it was the best album on 2008...

A track to check out: "Road to Somewhere"

#1 - My Favorite Album of 2008:
"Seventh Tree" came out in February, and I was crazy about it. I spent the year telling people that it was the best album of the year and that nothing else would top it. "Circus" leaked onto the internet in October, and it has been, by far, my most listened to album over the last 12 months. I record my plays on Last.fm, and I just checked them, and added, and checked them, and added. In just 3 months I have, literally, listened to "Circus" twice as much as "Seventh Tree," which I've had since February. It's unprecedented. Not since Michael Jackson's "Invincible," in 2001, has one album taken me over like "Circus." Not since then have I listened to an album so much in such a short time. It's all I want to hear. I sit down with another album on my mind, thinking I'll listen to the whole thing. Two tracks in, I just end up listening to "Circus." I can't escape it. It's CRACK!

Britney's returned to the top, where she should be. Her last album (which was only a year ago) was well-received by critics, loved by her diehard fans, but not so much be everyone else. Personally, I think it went unheard, due to a poor choice of singles, but that's not important.

When I say "back on top," I mean it. When it was first leaked, I told my friends that "Womanizer" would make their heads explode. Luckily, that didn't happen. But it did jump from #95 to #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart in just one week, the biggest jump ever. It also had the highest first-week song download sales by a female artist.

The song is, undeniably, Britney's biggest hit since "Baby One More Time." So what about tracks 2 and after? It's a lot to live up to... but she managed. The album is pure gold.

One year ago, when I made my Top 5 list, I said that Britney's last album, "Blackout," was "easily her best work" and that it "smacks your mother." I stand before you now to tell you that "Circus" is Britney's best work, by far, and that the album not only smacks your mother, it throws her over its lap and spanks her with a paddle. Tell your mom that I'm sorry that had to happen. It's tough in the streets.

I'll tell you what. If you only have "Womanizer," do yourself a favor and breakdance in traffic. When you get out of traction, buy the rest of the album.

I'm not going to jump the gun and call this my favorite album ever, but uh, it's up there...

A track to check out: #$&% that, you need the whole album! Go ahead and get the Deluxe Edition, too. The bonus tracks are great.

Almost made the list:
"Rockferry" - Duffy
"Paper Trail" - T.I.
"Seeing Sounds" - N*E*R*D
"Ghosts I-IV" - Nine Inch Nails

Copy/Paste of last years list, because it was on Facebook:
Note, "Paper Planes" is a track from "Kala." Was I right or was I right?

Posted December 17th____________

I spent a lot of this weekend trying to think up this list. It wasn't easy. This has been a good year for me and music; there's been a lot that I've really loved. Take this list for with a grain of salt, because it's purely my opinion. I wouldn't mind hearing your thoughts, though.

5. "Kala" - M.I.A.
You may not know M.I.A., but you should. She's a Sri Lankan rapper from the UK with a very unique style of dance music. I know, I know for sure that her music would blow up the club if they played it in the U.S. I would try to describe the sound, but I honestly wouldn't know how to start. I can only suggest you check it out.

Tracks to check out:
Boyz
World Town

4. "American Gangster" - Jay-Z
Now, I'm a fairly new Jay-Z fan. I didn't really get into his music until "The Black Album." This album is a concept album, meant to complement the recent film of the same name, which I have yet to see... Jay-Z said he wanted to fill in the gaps; to sort of describe the thoughts and feelings of a gangster that couldn't fit into the film. Jay-Z's always been a great lyricist, but it's the samples that do the most for this album. A lot of old school R&B. It just sounds great.

Tracks to check out:
American Dreamin'
Ignorant Shit

3. "The Black and White Album" - The Hives
I love The Hives. I love The Hives. Their last album, "Tyrannosaurus Hives" was one of my favorite rock albums. I listened to it all the time. "The Black and White Album" trumps it, easily. It's just fun. Also, The Hives' sound has evolved quite a bit. They've diversified beyond simple grunge. While "Hey Little World" and "Return the Favour" sound like they could have been released two albums back, "Giddy Up," "T.H.E.H.I.V.E.S." and "Puppet On A String" sound so new and different. Funky, even - there's disco influence here. I would even go as far as to say that many Hives fans wouldn't like this album much at all, but I love it.

Tracks to check out:
Try It Again
T.H.E.H.I.V.E.S.

2. "Blackout" - Britney Spears
Ok, ok. Shut up , shut up, shut up. If you diss this album, you simply haven't heard it. Britney Spears proved, with this album, that an artist's personal life doesn't have to effect their music. I know, that VMA performance really sucked. They say her heel snapped and she was pretty buzzed, but that doesn't really matter. This album smacks your mother. Britney is doing now, exactly what she was doing in '99, and that's making music that you can't get out of your head. You're probably thinking "Gimme More didn't get stuck in my head." And to that I would respond that I could probably pick eight songs that would have made better singles than "Gimme More." The word "pop"doesn't even do this album justice. This is like Madonna meets Timbaland. Don't let Britney's image keep you from hearing this album. This is easily her best work. So even if you've only almost liked Britney in the past, you should check this album out.

Tracks to check out:
Hot As Ice
Toy Soldier

1. "The Reminder" - Feist
If you haven't heard of Feist by now, you must truly be living under a rock. Even if you don't know who she is, you've heard her. Her songs "1 2 3 4" and "My Moon My Man" have been featured in commercials for iPod and Verizon Wireless, respectively. "The Reminder" is a best-selling album on the iTunes store, the number 1 "Editors' Pick" on Amazon.com, and nominated for four Grammy Awards. It's a calm pop album, mostly acoustic, somewhere between Bright Eyes and Regina Spektor. "1 2 3 4" is pretty much as upbeat as the album gets. I'd love for you all to check out this album, but you'd be doing yourself a big favor if you just ran out and bought it...

Tracks to check out:
Intuition
1 2 3 4
Honey Honey

Honorable mentions:
"Funeral For Yesterday" - Kittie
"Dignity" - Hilary Duff
"Rival Factions" - Project 86
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I Knew Something Didn't Look Right...

2008-12-01T03:30:00.012-05:00

You could say I have a problem determining boundaries. It's not easy for me to see what's in my territory and what's not. Funny thing is, I err on the side of distance.

_______

You know what? I'm really critical of myself. It seems like about half of what I write here is me complaining about me. I can't really imagine how that looks. I can't see from the outside. But it can't look good to see a guy complain about himself all of the time.

And what am I doing now?

I guess you can only be you. If you don't like who you are, you can change it. But if you're not willing to make that change, you should just stop talking about it...

_______

You know what I hate? When people try to set standards. There's always someone around with that personality. They think that whatever they do, others have to match up. For some reason, they think that they're special, and that what they do matters more than others. They love to 1-up people look down on those who don't meet their own, personal par. Ironically, it's usually not about anything important.

_______

IN STORES NOW!

I actually didn't manage to make it to the store today. My schedule was so crapped up, I couldn't fit in a bus trip... The last time I was this excited about an album and didn't manage to get it by release day was in 2005! I pre-ordered Project 86's "...And the Rest Will Follow," and it shipped late. I received it nine days after release day. Since then, I've never pre-ordered an album unless I wanted multiple copies and bought it in the store as well. I have more faith in my ability to get to the store than I do in any online store or postal service - and I failed...

I walked to East Coast Music and Movies, but they were too indier-than-thou to have it. I did get three sick albums, though. Quarashi's "Jinx," Lasgo's "Some Things" and Willa Ford's "Willa Was Here." $6.42 - ridiculous.

I'll definitely have the Deluxe Edition of "Circus," tomorrow.
Bet your valuables.

_______

So yeah, end of the semester. I really can't wait for it to end. I am so, so tired of it. Seriously, when exams are over, I'm throwing myself my own private, one-man dance party. You'll wish you could be there.

_______

I really thought The Dark Knight came out on video today. That's next Tuesday. I mean, I can wait, but I must have told my dad "December 2nd," like, five times... Whoops.

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Christmas is coming up. I know, because I've heard the music in the stores. Really guys? Christmas shopping? Already? I mean, I haven't even thought about what to get my family, and I probably won't think about it for a couple more weeks. Yet, miraculously, I'll still have plenty of time to shop. Wooooow.... Don't get me wrong, I'll be at the mall all the time when I get home, but I won't be shopping. I'm a mallrat by nature.

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Speaking of movies, I could use a really good one. It's been a while since I've seen a new movie that I was just amazed by. The last one was Pineapple Express, last summer. I have a feeling I won't see another movie I'm crazy about until next summer. And you know what I'm talking about. I may not be able to peg every movie I like before I see it, but I know what I'm gonna love.

My Full House

2008-11-30T01:40:00.004-05:00

It's been a while, but I've been busy. Especially the last couple of days...

I found out shortly before I came home from school that I would have family in my house for the entire Thanksgiving Break.

hoo
ray...

Ok, so, my parents' families both live in the same area. So on Thanksgiving, we see everyone in one day. but this year, my mom decided she wanted to have Thanksgiving at home. Her family was cool with it. My dad's family has firm Thanksgiving traditions, so there was no point in inviting them. So I was faced with the choice of either leaving my parents and spending Thanksgiving with my dad's family, or staying and seeing Mom's side.

Turned out, my mom's family wouldn't be able to gather until Friday. So Dad and I left Wednesday morning and headed to his mother's house for Thanksgiving. My mother's parents came to our house Wednesday and Dad and I came home Thursday night, after dinner.

Friday's when the fun started. Black Friday shopping. I. Love. Black Friday. I didn't even need anything, although I did get a good deal on a memory card for my phone. I just like the crowds. Black Friday, Christmas Eve - I'll be at the mall, Best Buy, WalMart and anywhere else I expect crazy crowds. It's fun. Dad finally got a Blu-Ray player.

My mom's side of the family showed up Friday afternoon and evening. By nightfall, there were a total of 13 people in the house. that's 10 guests. Friday was fun. Grandma had a movie moment and initiated an impromptu talent show. There are a lot of singers in my family. And a couple comedians.

Saturday, I needed a break. I go crazy when I'm around people too long. I spent all of Wednesday and Thursday with my dad's family and all Friday with my mom's. I just wanted a day that I could walk around my house, do whatever, and not have people talking to me and asking questions. I wanted to eat cereal and read Calvin & Hobbes in the kitchen for an hour or two. I wanted to watch movies with the 5.1 audio booming. I wanted to sleep until I felt like getting up. You know, all the things I'm used to doing in my own home.

I had to leave saturday and go out. I just went to the mall (my favorite place to escape) and walked around for a while. I love my family, I just start feeling smothered after a while. I foound out a lot of my gift ideas were way too expensive. I also had a terrible drink called a "Gingersnap Latte." Avoid it.

I came back just in time for the festivities. What festivities, you ask? Oh, just my grandparents 50th anniversary. Yes, yes, dressing up and dinner and such. Fun times. Wah wah wah.

About have our guests left tonight. The rest leave tomorrow. I just hope I can glean a couple of hours to myself before I have to leave for school...

"Hey, I Like Your Backpack." "Yeah."

2008-11-18T23:50:00.003-05:00

It bums me out that I'm so ridiculously shy. It really seems like I will never get over it. It's like everyone I know and every friend I have has fallen into my life. If you're not a friend of a friend, I'll never meet you. Even if you introduce yourself to me, I'll manage to leave the conversation without as much as your name, much less any way to contact you again. People say "You just need to put yourself out there." You might as well tell me to "just build a house." I watch people, thinking about what I'd say if I could just talk to them. Not just girls, either. I see people with a cool shirt or talking about something I'm interested in. I'd like to throw out a complement, or something. It's like I'm not capable of it. My lips just won't move.

When I'm out and people I don't know speak to me, it's like I go into shock. In my mind, I panic. I answer their question or respond to their comment in one word, like "yeah," "hey" or "thanks." It's like I've been thrown into traffic and I'm just I'm scrambling to get out of the street.

I dunno, it's just me. No one is gonna be able to change me, but me, and that's probably not happening.

And I swear, if anybody posts something like "you just gotta suck it up and do it," I'm gonna delete it. I'm so tired of hearing it. It's not that easy.

Friends

2008-11-16T11:41:00.002-05:00

Friends are amazing, aren't they? How awesome is it that God has given us the ability to create bonds with each other that are as strong as blood? We can turn acquaintances to family. You start off just spending time with someone, having fun and goofing off. Before you know it, you're taking care of each other, providing for one another and defending each other, when need be. You would work to help each other. You would give of yourselves so that the other could have. You would fight for each other. It's an incredible capability we posses to create these bonds, because, when you think about, where would we be if we didn't have each other?

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I'm considering posting more frequently, with shorter posts like this one. Tell me what you think.

Music, Pencils and English

2008-11-12T02:27:00.006-05:00

I'm getting the impression that everyone thinks I'm all about Pop music. I guess I talk about Britney Spears too much. Let me just go on the record and say that Pop and Dance music, together, makes up about 1/6 of my music collection. I just checked. I've got 3 times as much Rock and Metal. I just don't want you guys thinking I don't rock out, just because I claim MJ as "the best there ever was." I've also taken the liberty of posting some videos from some of my favorite rock bands.

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So, I walked back from class the other day without my glasses. It was such a beautiful day. I walked past the intramural field and just stopped. I really hate that my lenses are "transitions" (meaning they tint in the sun). On a nice, sunny day I have to either walk around with tinted lenses or impaired vision. I can't enjoy the sunlight.

I think I may finally be convinced to get contacts...

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The other day, I forgot my pencil on test day (blasted bubble sheets!). I had to borrow a pencil, which I hate to do. I'm afraid I won't finish my test before the person I borrowed the pencil from. I hate to borrow a pencil and have the person leave before I can return it. For one, it sucks for them to hand over a pencil, knowing they will probably never see it again. Also, last time, it took me over a week to find the person I borrowed the pencil from. I could hardly remember what she looked like...

But this time I completed my test first. So there! Returned to sendah!

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I am a very imperfect person.

Why must I say "very?" Because even "almost perfect" could be considered "imperfect." I wanna make sure I emphasize that "perfect" and "Christopher" are very far apart.

We all have problems. We all make mistakes. We all, from time to time, base our actions and reaction out of emotion instead of rational thought. I am no different, and I have recently been reminded on that. I let my emotions get the best of me, and I wasn't even aware of it. I said some cold words and had some even colder thoughts.

I let some things get to me that shouldn't get to me. I got upset at some things that shouldn't have upset me.

I got angry.

I don't do "angry" much.

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Captain Kirk is the man!

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So, last week, I started the foot work to change my major from Business to English. It's something I had been talking with my parents about since summer. They never liked the idea. They said I was so far in my college education, that I would be better off getting my Business degree, then studying English after. I wasn't down with that.

My adviser and I went over the changes that would be necessary. I learned that if I were to choose Business for my minor, the entire major change would require only 9 credit hours more than my current track! So we started looking at the classes required for English majors...

Useless.

I mean that in all honesty. I don't need, or even want, half of the classes English majors are required to take. And even if I did learn everything I wanted to know, I'd have to find a solid career in English while I worked on getting something published. English degrees are pretty much worthless, unless you want to teach. I quickly realized that majoring in English would be a waste of my time...

Here's where I'm at: I just want to write. I want to create. When I write fiction, people like it. But I never like it. People tell me it's great, but when I'm writing, I feel like I'm operating on a lower level - like I'm working with inferior storytelling skills. I look at the way I word things and they just don't wow me. I don't feel like I paint vivid pictures.

I would love to make a living writing - if I could write what I wanted. Writing in a business setting is downright torturous. I'm using my talent for someone else's profit, like a circus performer. I can't do that for a living.

I'm going to better myself. I will become a better writer. But I'm going to do it my own way. Not by studying 400-year-old books, not through grades and tests. I will not be "classically trained." I'm going to do this myself. I'll study the books I think will help me. I'll make my own writing exercises.

Is that arrogant? Most likely. But I have to do what's right for me. After all, no ones knows what I've got in my head or how I want to present it. It won't be the way Shakespeare did it. It won't be the way Charles Dickens did it. It won't be the way C.S. Lewis did it.

So I'll keep my major. I'll study business. I'll get a job in the "real world." But I will also spend plenty of time in my worlds, the worlds I create, in hope that one day I can share them with the world.

Nice Guys Finish Last... No Joke?

2008-11-08T02:18:00.004-05:00

I'm a real idiot sometimes. Did you know that? I'm waaaaaay too nice. I let a lot of things slide and I decide against doing a lot of things people ought to just let slide.

See I'm a very picky, particular person. Little things bother me. What I find myself doing is putting forth too much effort to prevent putting people through things that don't matter, because I would hate for those things to happen to me. "Do unto others," you know. Except, if controlled what people did to me, they wouldn't have much room to breathe.

A few minutes ago, I needed to get my jacket out of my room, in which my roommate was sleeping. I turned of the light in the room I was in, slowly turned the door handle, eased into the room, Solid Snaked my way to the chair my jacket was in, grabbed my jacket, tip-toed my way out and closed the door - all as quiet as a hamster (which is, in fact, quieter than a mouse). Then I though about all the times I've woken up to the sound of him closing doors when he goes to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I mean, it's not like he's loud, he just doesn't open a door like he's cracking a safe.

I do things like this all the time. Another scenario: I consider myself a moderately funny guy (other people used to tell I was funny, but I guess I'm slippin'). I make a lot of situational jokes, trying. I don't like the attention, so I usually just tell the closest person. Then they turn around and tell it to someone else and make them laugh. I hate that! Get your own jokes! I should call people on it, but it would embarass the theif.

What am I?!

I pay for not-dates.

I don't tell people when I'm cold in their cars.

I don't brag.

I do for people, too. I think I got that from my mother. When I see someone in need (or just want), I feel for them. When everyone looks around the room thinking "whose gonna do this," I always want to. Even little things, like answering the door. When someone isn't happy, my first instinct is to jump in and interviene. I feel like I have to do somehting. I just don't, sometimes, because I don't want to be labelled as the guy who does the stuff no one wants to. I've managed to get that a bit under control, because I've seen my mother exhaust herself, doing for others. She goes to lengths unseen, to help people. My mother is an angel, seriously. Countless people are better off for knowing her. But somtimes, when she's really been put through the ringer, I don't want that for myself. I don't know how she does it.

I also hear girls don't like it when guys are too nice. They say if I guy does too much for a woman, puts her first all the time or "treats her like a princess," she feels smothered.

Whoops.

No one told me. It's things like that that reinforce my belief that dating is too much of a sport. If you're trying to find someone you love, and that loves you, what's with all of the behaivior modifications?

You can't be too nice, because women feel smothered. You need the girl you like to see you as a challenge. You have treat them like they aren't important. You've got to say things that feel unnatural, do things that feel uncomfortable, and somehow end up with someone who loves you for who you really are.

Everything I'm told sounds retarded.

It all sounds like "Tips for Being a Total Jerk," yet it works for everyone else, and they swear by it. I mean, if it works for everyone, it must be true. Surely I'd be an idiot to pass up such common and tested advice. It's like you have to play the game to win, and I'm disputing the rules. I feel like a fool just for typing it, but what can I say? I just can't bend that far. I can't act so far outside of my personality. I can't go against everything that feels right.

I'm just nice.

Who Is Chris Williams?

2008-11-02T17:44:00.003-05:00

It's a question that's been on my mind since my last post. Today, I decided that perhaps the best way to answer the question is to just sit down and make a list of what makes me who I am. Easier said than done...

Chris Williams is a master procrastinator

Chris Williams listens to music constantly

Chris Williams needs his friends, but he also needs time to himself

Chris Williams shouts for laughs but never out of anger

Chris Williams is often too nice

Chris Williams enjoys doing nothing

Chris Williams wears his heart on his sleeve, but not on purpose

Chris Williams is man of habits

Chris Williams likes routine

Chris Williams doesn't have to win arguments, but he won't quit until you understand his reasoning

Chris Williams dresses for himself. He's not comfortable unless he likes his clothes

Chris Williams has trouble displaying affection

Chris Williams worries to much

Chris Williams doesn't follow sports. He really doesn't care who wins

Chris Williams has a mind that's always working. He tends to be less observant of his surroundings
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And, as you know, I can't stay on just one topic.

I would give anything to see myself through the eyes of others. I would love to know exactly what other people think of me. Why? Because I. Cant. Tell. If there's anything in the world I can't do, it's read people. I care what people think of me, and nothing is more uncomfortable than to look right into someone's eyes and not have the slightest clue what's going on behind them. Perhaps I'm just insecure... Ha! As if there was ever any doubt.

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In the back of my mind, I've always have big hopes for my future. I've had the same image of my future in mind for years. My family, my house, my success - I can picture it all. My ideal future. That image hasn't changed in years, but what has changed is my position in the time. My 22nd birthday is just a couple months away. It's easy to look at the future optimistically and tell yourself that it will be happy and bright. But that all changes when you realize that it's time to start building that future. It turns from a dream to a goal, from anticipation to expectation.

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I'm writing the sickest story, right now. I can't wait to show it to you guys.

Almost As Good As My Next Blog

2008-10-23T13:33:00.009-04:00

I didn't use to play video games on a daily basis, or even a weekly basis. In fact, my PS2 was collecting serious dust. What happened? I got a PS3 over the summer and now it's eating up my spare time.

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I'm not gonna lie, the state of the economy is finally starting to bum me out. It's all they talk about on the news, and no one really understands it. News channels and Presidential candidates throw out names of banks and businesses, trying to push the blame in different directions, but when it comes down to it, no one can agree on the solution. Why? Because liberals and conservatives can't even agree on how our economy works! They all study the books and earn degrees, but somehow they manage to come out with opposite solutions to every economic problem. Either in economy is completely uncontrollable, or one group is completely wrong.

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We're so superficial. I don't even know if we can help it. It's easy, if you try, to judge a person for who they really are, once you get to know them. But uh, how do we choose who we get to know?

Exactly.

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I'll admit this: I have a problem asking for help. I just don't like to do it. But recently I've found myself asking for help with a subject I know nothing about. It's a strange feeling, admitting to yourself that you're hopeless without help. I guess anything beats failure...

But we need people. That's really what friends are for. They help each other. It's great to have buddies to do fun things with, but it's more important to have people you can depend on. Friends help without hesitation. They don't expect anything in return for help. If they need help, they know where to go. God forbid you find yourself surrounded by buddies and no friends.

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I wrote a lot of blogs entries on MySpace before I decided to stop writing and deleted all of my posts. They were terribly revealing - soul-baring, really. I got scared having so much of myself out there for the world to see. And with the things I wrote, it's understandable. Anyone who read those posts would know things about me I've never told anyone face-to-face. My innermost thoughts, feelings and expressions of... well, everything.

But now. Just now, I wonder if it was a mistake to not just stop writing them, but to delete them. If I could see them again, I would read through them, perhaps edit them and maybe even post some again. Every time I finish a post on my new blog it feels horribly impersonal. I don't feel like this is me. I avoid truly divisive topics. I never write full blogs on a single, important topic. I string off a few observations and post it. That's not me.

Bare with me while I find a balance. I assure you, this blog will be the place to learn about who I am and what I think. I just need to find that balance.

I Don't Sleep, I Just Blink

2008-10-06T01:39:00.004-04:00

You know what I've always kind of wanted to do, but haven't? Make music. I don't know why I never picked up an instrument as a child. I just didn't have an interest in playing any. Lessons? No thanks. But music, it's my thing. It's always been pretty much what I care most about. I have ideas, too... I've decided to try my hand at digital music making. Get some crappy free software, first, just to test the water. It seems like the perfect answer.

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I have a quiz due by like, 8:30 this morning.

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I can't wait to have my own my own home. I don't mind the dorms, but I would just love to have a place to call my own. An apartment could be better, though less convenient, in my case. But I'd rather have my own spot. I guess it'd just make me feel like a man to own my own house, buy some guns...

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So, I've been checking out the Baptist Campus Ministries meetings. Pretty cool stuff. It seems like the service is really short, though. And they don't seem to have a regular speaker, week-to-week. For me, that's weird. The music is kinda hard to get into, too. It seems like they try to pick modern songs by well-known artists, so I don't know any of the songs. They just end up feeling awkward. Some songs are written for worship, others are more personal. If the lyrics are too personal, it's hard to relate. I can't be singing lyrics that aren't even true, for me.

But I'm not trying to rip on the BCM. The people are friendly and the teachings are relevant. Plus, it's always difficult for me to get through that awkward period when you don't know anyone. I just have to make sure not to do what I usually do, which is to attach myself to the few people I do know, and not meet others.

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You guys are lame. You probably don't read this, but whatever. You guys dropped me like a bad habit. You were like, friggin' next door. You couldn't call? What am I? Whatever. I guess you guys were fun to talk to, while it lasted. I'll probably never see you guys again, but whatever. I guess that's no big deal, to you.

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New Todd, you're slippin.

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Just about everyone I know steals music, too. And none of them seem to think it's wrong. I hear stuff like, "Why should I buy something I can get for free," "Those rich muthaf-----s don't need my money," "I can't afford to buy music, it's too expensive," or "I buy CDs from the people I really like."

If I even say something like, "Yeah, I'm going Best Buy to get the new _____ CD," I get laughed at. "Why would you buy CDs?!"

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I only say "hi," like, one out of every 5 times I want to.

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I'm pretty sure CHS toilets could flush bricks. I bet the only way to clog a CHS toilet would be to put a CHS toilet in a CHS toilet and try to flush it. I foresee two possibilities. One: the CHS toilet would successfully flush the CHS toilet. Or, two: the encounter could create a paradox, the result of which could cause a chain reaction that would unravel the very fabric of the space-time continuum and destroy the entire universe! Granted that's a worst case scenario. The destruction might in fact be very localized, limited to merely our own galaxy.

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I don't feel like spell-checking this one...

Bloggin' Ain't Easy

2008-09-30T03:55:00.002-04:00

Blogging sounds like an easy way to express yourself. A simple outlet through which release your thoughts and opinions to the world. The question is this: how much can you say before your readers start treating you differently? Sometimes I just want to empty my head. I want to post exactly what I feel and exactly what I'm thinking. I used to do just that, on MySpace. I posted a few blogs that I emptied my heart into. It felt good to type it, but I always second-guessed it. It's possible to say too much.

I just don't know what is enough and what is too much. I believe a lot of that comes from not knowing who reads it. I had a lot of readers on MySpace. Well, it felt like a lot to me. Now I have, maybe four readers I know of. Four people who have talked to me about my blog, online or off. I assume I have that many readers who haven't spoken to me about it. I'm confident that I would have more readers if my posts were more personal. But, honestly, I'm afraid to put my business out there again. I'm afraid to step on toes and let out secrets. I keep a lot inside. A lot. I would love to express it, but I'm not sure I would like to express it to you. I know what I want to say, but the thought of certain people reading it... I just don't know.

I'm not entirely sure blogging is for me.

We'll see what happens next.

Failure Is Not An Option

2008-09-25T13:33:00.003-04:00

Do you know what it's like to be standing face to face with an obstacle, confident beyond doubt that you cannot pass it, weighing the pain of failure against the regret of giving up?

They say people don't change. If a guy doesn't keep his room clean by the time he's 20, he's not going to have an immaculate house when he's 40. We get set in our ways. But what if "your way" is to ignore the severity of the situation? What if "your way" is to tell yourself that you'll succeed later? What comes next? When time runs out, how do you surpass an obstacle you've just been staring at all of your life, knowing you've never truly tried?

I just felt like drawing attention to that dreadful feeling you get when you realize time is running short, and you haven't done anything. When you realize that you're on the starting line and everyone else is achieving your dreams.

Maybe you don't even deserve it. Still hurts.

At some point, you have to stand up and take what you want.

Take.

Freaking Candy Bars!

2008-09-18T15:51:00.007-04:00

Why does every good candy bar have to come with 8 crappy ones? I saw "3 Muskateers Mint," today. Mint! Next time you're in the store, count the Reese's. There are millions!

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Britney Spears' new track, "Womanizer," is gonna be amazing. Keep an ear out for it.

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I've been kinda hooked on Amazon.com's "Used & New." It's kinda like eBay without PayPal. The selection isn't so great, but it's mad cheap. Thing is, I'm usually all about supporting the record industry, but recently I've been really into buying used music. I'm starting to think it's just my collector's mentality that keeps me buying CD's these days, not moral convictions...

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You know who I can't stand? T-Pain. No talent. I'm not just talking about that vocoder crap, either. Everything the man touches turns to crap. Then he gets praised as a genius.

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The new Pussycat Dolls album is gonna suck...

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Michelle Rodriguez has returned to acting. Score!

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Am I wrong for opposing the redistribution of wealth? Like, entirely?

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Typing blogs isn't easy. I guess that's why I typed another rant. This post is entirely uninspired. I'm only typing it because I haven't posted in a while. I'm afraid my four readers might forget about me.

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If, some time in the past, or future, I post something you really like, feel free to share it on Facebook or something. Despite tonight's weak effort, I am trying to get some exposure.

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Also, if you're reading this on Facebook, don't forget to click "view original post," to check out my real blog. It's snazzy.

Peace.

Chicks Are Retarded

2008-09-06T01:43:00.004-04:00

Why is it that a man can't tell a woman what he's thinking? Why is it that men are forced to play this ridiculous game of cat and mouse? Do they not realize that some of the nicest, most considerate and caring men just aren't good at these sports?! Sorry ladies, hoop-jumping's just not my bag! You ladies need to learn how to take the truth.

"Hey, you're gorgeous. Unfortunately, that's all I know about you. But I'd love to know more. Let's hang out."

If that's not a good line, I'm effing screwed. Because it's truth and it's all I've got. I don't understand women. They love to make things complicated. They force men to play these retarded games. We have to say the right things, give off the right "vibes."

What a wonderful world it would be if a guy could walk to a girl, tell her exactly what he's thinking, and start a conversation.

NEWSFLASH: GUYS TELL GUYS EXACTLY WHAT THEY'RE THINKING. GUYS DON'T FREAK OUT. Hence, chicks are retarded.

Chicks aren't retarded. If you get pissed off by my title, I'll know you didn't read it.

Really, what is it that women don't understand? I realize that girls have a reputation for being more "emotional." I'm not going to say whether or not it's true because they don't talk to me very long. But I will say that you're not going to kill a man by actually telling them that you like them. You don't have to smile a certain way, look deep into our eyes or flip your hair a certain way.

Just friggin' say it!

ALL I WANT IS WOMEN TO SAY WHAT THEY THINK, AND LET US DO THE SAME.

Young Americans. I Urge You, Don't Vote!

2008-09-04T14:01:00.002-04:00

You'll ruin it for everybody. The lower the education level, the more liberals. There's reason for that.
Zing!

Wow. A lot has happened since I made my last post...

So... McCain chose Sarah Palin for his VP candidate.

I didn't see that coming... I don't know too much about her, but then again, who would? The Governor of Alaska? Whatever it takes to beat Barack... I hope picking a young (looking) VP candidate will help break the stigma of being an old man. My political science teacher made good point: Making history by voting in Barack should have less appeal now that voting in McCain would "make history," too.

I hear she gave a great speech last night. I've only heard bits and pieces, but I'll definitely check out the whole thing tonight.

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I met a really cute girl at lunch like, last week. Well, she actually came and sat with me. Being the socially inept idiot I am, I left lunch that day without even as much as her full name. Sometimes, I even amaze myself.

It shouldn't be so hard for me to meet people. I'm just so bad at it. I don't know how to talk to women. And I'm told I "always look sad." Maybe that's because I don't know how to talk to women!

Whatever. It seems like the guys that are good with women are total jerks. They treat women like crap, and women love it. We all know those guys that had four or five different girlfriends is high school. They may be selfish and disrespectful, but they know how to get dates. Whatever happened to using your powers for good?

If a guy is charismatic and attractive enough to get a bunch of women to go out with him, he ought to be using that to find a wife. Instead, he just uses it to "chase the cat - bow wow wow yippie yo yippie yay, bow wow yippie yo yippie yay." That's the worst part.

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In Stores October 7th
Rachael Yamagata
"Elephants... Teeth Sinking Into Heart"

Watch her perform a track from the album in the sidebar.

In Stores September 30th
T.I.
"Paper Trail"

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I finally hooked up the cable in my room. I've gone weeks without television, and I've hardly missed. But, Terminator is starting back Monday, so I had to get ready. The Office returns September 25th.

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Michael Jackson's been working on his new album for years. He's never disappointed me, but I'm starting to get nervous. He's been working with Ne-Yo, Akon and Will.I.Am - all MJ wannabes. What's next, Justin Timberlake? Come on, MJ, you're better than that.

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I hate Geology.

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I've been eating a ton, lately. New Todd is awesome.

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Do you read my blog? If so, consider commenting. Right now, I know of two people that read these posts. I'd like to think I'm doing better than that...

Getting Down to the Nuts and Nuts of Homosexuality

2008-08-18T21:36:00.001-04:00

If you wanna be gay, be gay. I mean, I'm not cool with it, but I won't call you out to your face. It's the acting like a chick that really irritates me. If a dude is gay, you'd think he'd like a dude that acts like a man, right? But if he's with a man that acts like a woman, then it's not a man that he wants, is it? It's a chick with a penis. What does that make him? Seriously confused.

I understand that homosexuality is a "lifestyle," but when did it become a way of life? Aside from actually being gay, why must one act gay? I started thinking about it when I saw a couple gay dudes holding a conversation on the bus, today. What make gay men act like women? The lisp, the voice change, the mannerisms. When you really think about it, it doesn't seem necessary. Does it happen naturally? Is it just a signal to other gays whose Gaydar isn't properly tuned? Maybe they're just proud to be FaBuLoUs!

That last explanation seems the most likely to me. I get the impression that in our "intolerant" world, gay men have fun throwing their homosexuality in our faces.
Pow! Right in the kisser!
Pow! Right in the kisser!
Pow! Right in the kisser!
Pow! Right in the kisser!
Like a big middle finger to "the establishment." Like "I'm gay, deal with it! Tee-hee-hee."

You may be wondering why I'm not talking about women. Probably because I can't spot the gay ones. Some chicks are just manly.

I guess my real question is this: What is homosexuality: an attraction to the same sex, or just the same sex organs? Because if it's all about organs, it's nothing more than another fetish, and all of this "woman trapped in a man's body" business is just bull.

I know that title is a bit much. Maybe my post is a bit much. But so is a man that sashes through the mall in a rainbow scarf and mismatched Converse, so I don't feel too bad about it...

Campus Awaits!

2008-08-15T22:06:00.000-04:00

So. In the morning, I'll be returning to the wonderful campus of East Carolina University. I'm actually looking forward to it. Things have been pretty slow at home, but I'll take the blame for that.

The truth is, I really enjoy the days where I can just relax by myself. What can I say? Sometimes, being so close to friends becomes a bit like a job. They have expectations and you have obligations. See, I grew up without siblings. I never got used to having people around me all of the time. I like having my space. In the dorms, there are people around when I wake up, and people around when I go to sleep. Friends want to hang out for days at a time. I'm sorry guys, but I can't be around anybody for two days straight, with no time to myself. I get grumpy. I've got to get away. So if you see me walking around the mall alone, that's just me escaping you. Ellowel. No, really, you should say hi.

This summer, I enjoyed my time alone. I worked a stress-free part-time summer job and an internship. I spent the rest of my time relaxing, shopping, revisiting some fantastic albums and enjoying my new Playstation.

I'm ready for it, now. I'm pretty stoked, actually. I'm ready to get back to campus and connect with people again. I'm ready for the late night socializing. I'm ready for the classes. I'm ready to meet new ~~women~~ people. I'm ready for the dinning hall.

I wanted to leave you with a funny picture, but right now, I don't have time to look. My mom is irritating the crap out of me about packing. It's midnight, and she still won't go to sleep and leave me alone...

I'm out.

Sorry it took so long...

2008-08-05T20:28:00.000-04:00

The few of you who knew this blog was coming know how long it took. You're reading the second post. That's a faux pas. I'll let it slide. Anyway, I figured I'd let my second post explain why the first one took so long. I am a perfectionist. For me, writing is very, very difficult.

But it's not because I can't write. I get excited when teachers assign papers. Easy points. I'll take a term paper over a final exam any day, spend 3 days on it, and grin when I turn it in. In other words, I eat papers like "nom nom nom." But those papers are graded by teachers, not me. They're never good enough for me; I've just learned to except the fact that they don't have to good enough for me to get an A. The last time I turned in a paper I was truly satisfied with was 11th grade. It was titled "Candy Era," or something similar. It was about America's unbending demand for instant gratification and complete inability to handle discomfort or disappointment.
That was a sick paper.

With this blog, it's different. I've been writing for days, each time completely unsatisfied with what I wrote, then starting over. I've finally accepted that if I didn't stop rewriting, I would never post. I decided to just post my last draft. So, from this point, forward, there will be no rewrites. I'll be writing what's on my mind, hopefully without second guessing myself, and posting it.

Like so.

2008-08-02T22:14:00.000-04:00

Why blog? Do I have some deep or revolutionary message to promulgate to the masses? No.

Am I destined to enrich and educate all those who listen? No.

I just wanted an outlet to express the random babble that runs through my mind.

So, what should you expect from my blog? You can expect me to sit in front on my computer and type whatever comes to mind, until I get bored.

And so it begins...

I'm 21 years old, and I still don't understand the point in making my bed. Am I trying to convince people that no one sleeps in it? I've got to unmake the bed to get back in.

If you knew my bed wasn't made, would you love me any less?

_______

You know what else I don't get? Rap, today. Now, before you leave, thinking this is a typical attack on rap, I'm not going to talk about pointless lyrics and repetitive beats. I can understand that. That music is made for dancing, and it's good for it. The lyrics don't mean anything because they don't need to. I'm not going to talk about "concious rap," either. I can stand it, even if I rarely agree with the message.

What bothers me the most is the arrogance. Now, rapping has always walked hand-in-hand with confidence, all the way back to it's roots. But now, it seems like the rappers hailed as "the best," are their own biggest fans.

Why is it entertaining to hear someone brag about how great they are at braging about themselves? Sure, they may be capable of writing complex rhymes, but why not use that talent to say something?

Also, I heard that Ludacris said in a song that we should "paint the White House black" by voting for Barack. That made me laugh. What's even funnier is that Ludacris was encouraging black people to vote. If Diddy couldn't do it, Luda sure can't. It wouldn't make a difference, anyway. The Democrats have had African Americans in their pocket for ages. When it comes to politics, my people seem to have a problem thinking for themselves. It's like black people feel they have a duty to vote Democrat.

_______

What's the deal with Radiohead? They sound so bad...

_______

I'm the only person who feels hot in my house, and I'm the only one who feels cold
when I'm anywhere else.

_______

I have almost completely lost contact with my friends from high school. I bothers me, just not enough to pick up the phone. What can I say? They don't call me.

_______

Why is that film students think their opinions on movies count more than those of anyone else?

_______

Did you know you can win a Pulitzer Prize for being a critic? Movies, books, music, architecture... If you're distinguished enough, you can get a Pulitzer. What the heck? I thought you had to write something important to get one of those. What a load crap. I have opinions! If I walk with my nose up and rag on some comedies, can I have a Pulitzer?

_______

Why do girls starve themselves to look like fashion models? Those people model to make the clothes look good, so women will buy them. Guys don't care about fashion models! Do you ever hear guys say, "Man, that Kate Moss sure is hot?" Probably not, unless you've asked me... My point is, if you're gonna starve yourself, look to the actresses for "thinspiration" - those are the women that men fawn over. Don't shoot for Kate Moss, think Jessica Alba.

_______

I guess that's what you can expect from this blog. Maybe, in the future, I'll try to stick to a topic.

Box Of Peanuts

My Music Tastes

I Don't Think I Could Write A Movie

AHH SKEE-! ...*ehem*

How Do You Like the Casserole?

Everything's Gonna Be Okay

It's Where My Butt Landed?

I Need to Get a Life

Retaliation

Note to Self #1: Be Who You Want

With a Little Bit of Gold and a Pager

My Day

Adventures With Coke - Part 1

Heidi Montag Falls on Her Brand New Face

The Dumbness. Bet That Hurt.

Mmm, Tasteless! - Drinking Tons of Water

2010 People's Choice Awards!

Blue Socks

How Long Ya Been Hidin' That?!

Words of Wisdom for New Pirates

Critical Txts?

Sleep Is... How Would I Know?

The Best of Michael Jackson

All Kids Are Liberals

Devastating

I Forgot to Bring My White Chicks to School

Almost Two Weeks and I'm Still Not Dead

Back to School

Twitter - Plain and Simple

I Ain't Answerin' That Phone!

Most Movies Suck! ...Yeah, I Said It

I Almost Bought a Pair of Shorts

Back to the Future: Part IV

If I Were Rich And Famous...

I Don't Do Much

What the #!%$ Sheetz?!

Let It Ride!

*Sigh* ...Facebook, Facebook, Facebook...

"Hey, It's Me... Call Me Back!"

"It's All Over But the Crying"

"I Can Be Better. I Will Be Better."

Everything Happens for a Reason

My Country Music

It's Not That I'm Lazy, It's That I Just Don't Care

All Hell Breaks Loose: 'How My Phone Is Taking Over My Life' Part 2

How My Phone Is Taking Over My Life

I'm a Blogger!

Lily, I Need You! ...Well, Pretty Much...

AAAAAHHHHHH! ...geez!

The Grammy's

"...But Robots? No, They're Just Lights and Clockwork"

What I Won't Do To My Kids

"Well, Mr. Williams..."

My Picks for the Funniest Super Bowl Ads of 2009

What? Seriously?

Why I Don't Have A Dog

My President Is Black

Running the Wrong Race?

5 Inventions That We Better Have By 2010

I'm My Buddy! You Can Be Yours!

You Know What Bugs Me?

Open Mic Night

Putting Me Out Of My Misery...

Somebody Had To Say It...

The Future

My B...

Chris' Favorite Albums of 2008 (and 2007!)

I Knew Something Didn't Look Right...

My Full House

"Hey, I Like Your Backpack." "Yeah."

Friends

Music, Pencils and English

Nice Guys Finish Last... No Joke?

Who Is Chris Williams?

Almost As Good As My Next Blog

I Don't Sleep, I Just Blink

Bloggin' Ain't Easy

Failure Is Not An Option

Freaking Candy Bars!

Chicks Are Retarded

AHH SKEE-! ...ehem

Sigh ...Facebook, Facebook, Facebook...