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Monday, May 24, 2010

Everything's Gonna Be Okay

I am aware that people don't know the future. I'm also not four years old. So when someone says to me, "Everything's gonna be okay," I can't help but roll my eyes and wonder why they take me for a fool.

Where did that come from, anyway? 'Cause it seems like you only hear it from people who have absolutely no idea. It's the go-to line for when you can't think of anything that's actually encouraging. "It's gonna be okay. I promise."

Well, f I'm afraid, I want encouraging facts, not the empty words of an optimist. If I'm sick, I don't want, "I know you can beat this," I want the percentage of people in my condition who pull through. And if that's not a comforting number, maybe I don't have too much of a reason to be hopeful.

Faith in God, I understand. Faith in established trends, I understand. I can even understand faith in a person. But faith in nothing? Hope, simply because what you wish for is possible? No, I'm afraid I lack the capacity, for that.

I guess that's why I worry so much...

You remember those Calvin & Hobbes comics, where Calvin would explain a deep revelation to Hobbes, while they rode a wagon or sled to their doom?


There were a lot of those...


Tuesday, May 18, 2010

It's Where My Butt Landed?

My future lady is in for a surprise. One day, she's gonna walk into the room and find me watching tv. What she won't expect, is to see me seated on the floor with my back against the couch.

Soon after, she'll walk in and find me in front of the tv, sprawled across the carpet (we have to have carpet in front of the tv). It's an old habit I picked up from my dad. Why does he do it? The best reason I can think of is that it's because he grew up with more siblings than could fit on a couch.

In either case, she will likely ask me why I'm on the floor, in front of an empty couch. How will I respond? I came up with some ideas...

"Just fell. Lil' help?"

"I was saving the couch for you."

"I farted. Heat rises. Gotcha. You're it."

"I'm playing couch. Have a seat."

"Well, I was waiting on that vacuum." *side-eye* "But I see you don't have it with you..."

"Girl, you don't feel the feng shui I just did?"

"Upskirts."

"Dag you nosy!"

"I was coppin' a feel. This is nice carpet."

I bet it's no big deal. She probably won't care. Who knows, maybe she'll join me, and we can be like the happy young couple I found when I googled "laying on carpet."


I Need to Get a Life

Seriously. I'm lame.

When I come home from school, I usually work. This summer, I'm stretchin' my money like a mug. In turn, I do absolutely nothing. I spend entire days in my pajamas, sitting on the computer, playing Pokemon, and consuming massive amounts of junk food (White Castle and chicken nuggets, anyone?). And when I do go out, it's rarely for a good reason, but rather because I know I don't go anywhere.

I'm vegetating, and I know it. I am slowly becoming less of a human being, and more of myself in high school. Funny thing is, I lose weight while I do it (Ha!).

There's something about this house. I lose all motivation for anything, when I'm here. I don't know if I've ever felt less cool. But no, I don't play video games with my grandma. I just like that picture.

Maybe I need a hobby...

...could hunt dogs...


Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Retaliation

Why are we so quick to retaliate? What is it in a man that gives him gratification in seeing a wrongdoer suffer? It's funny how someone's actions infuriate us, and our instinctive solution is cause that person pain. Like when someone punches you in the arm. You'd probably swing back, without even thinking.

Is it justice we want? Do we believe that the offense knocked the universe out of whack and that putting our offender through the same discomfort will somehow set it all straight? Or is it all just about watching them hurt?

Maybe, deep down, some of us just like to hurt people, and they're waiting for an excuse.