Thursday, October 8, 2009

How Long Ya Been Hidin' That?!

Noise. I'm developing a low tolerance for it. Normally, that would be fine, except, due to years of unfortunately acceptable grades, I've found myself in college. *shiver*

Let me tell you about the other day...

I have a class. It's called, The, um, Multi...cultural Environmentalism and, uh, the Fanaticasmic... Structure of... Interracial Business.

Yeah, something like that. Whatever. It's hard. My teacher rambles about, "Asians do this, Americans do that, Africans do this, there's plastic in the ocean, my liberal bias is apparent, blah blah blah." Then, on the test, we have to write every single word she's ever said. Seriously. When I was taking her test, I thought my pen had started writing in the wrong color. Turns out, it was bleeding. When I finished, the pen cried, "Chris, Chris, why hast thou forsaken me?!" Then it exploded in a fiery ball of blue flame that engulfed the girl who used to sit in front of me.

So, when midterm time rolled around, I knew I needed to study my balls off (that's how David Bowie studied music). And to do that, I needed to escape the noisy environment of my dormitory and make my way to the the library.

See, I need true quiet to study. No television. No music. No people talking in the hallway. No students tapping at their keyboards. No people walking past me. As you'll see, this level of quieticity is difficult to achieve, even in a library.

Fortunately, our library has these awesome rooms, called "student studies." Basically, it's a Porta-John with a desk instead of a toilet. And it doesn't move. Sounds perfect for a guy who needs to isolate himself, right? The problem is, I'd never found an empty one. Regardless, I headed up to the second floor, where I knew these rooms were, in search of one of these Porta-Desks. But, sure enough, they were all taken, save a few in which the lights don't work.

Now, the first floor of the library is about as busy as an airport, and I could tell by walking around, that the second floor wasn't going to be quiet enough, either. So I headed to the third. What was on the third floor, I had no idea. As best as I can remember, I had never been. See, I've never had a teacher that made me look for a book. I'd never had a reason to explore the building.

As I reached the third floor, I saw the most comforting sight you could ever see: Claire Huxtable.

No... No...

What I saw wasn't comforting, at all. In fact, it was infuriating. What I saw was a sign noting that the third floor was designated a "quiet study" area.


After cleaning up my pee puddle, I went exploring. And what did I find? Effing student studies! Just as many as there were on the second floor! After cleaning up my pee puddle, I went to find an empty one. And I did - easily! I even tried studying there for an hour before the kids laughing in the room two doors down drove me out of my dang mind!

I packed my crap, and off I went, still looking for a quiet place. Where? In no man's land. Where is "no man's land?" It's where the books are. Get it? 'Cause no one in the school library is ever where the books are... heheh.


And there, around the corner, in no man's land, I found it. One small row of student studies. I think there were just four.

First one...?


Second one...?


Third one...?


After cleaning up my pee puddle, I went in and got some awesome studying done.

The End.