Thursday, May 28, 2009

Almost Two Weeks and I'm Still Not Dead

I had my first test today. At least in my mind, that's a school milestone, even in the summer. So I figured I should take some time to reflect on how summer school has gone, so far.

Well, for one, squirrels outnumber the people on campus. It's actually pretty scary. Now, I'm sure I could defend myself from a squirrel (why else would they make these books so big?), but a joint attack could prove to be more than I could handle. Needless to say, I travel the campus with one eye watching my back and the other scanning for rocks and loose bricks in the sidewalk.

Also, there's nowhere to eat.

Well, there's one dining hall in operation, but it's open for like, two hours at a time. It's darned inconvenient, and frankly, it's interfering with my bathroom schedule. I get out of class at 12:45 and by then, it's time for me to drop the kids off at the pool. But dining hall lunch ends at 1:30. That'd be fine, but my kids' favorite pool is the complete opposite direction.

The worst thing, though, is the bunk bed in my dorm room. I am fairly certain it will kill me.

See, I'm in a room by myself, but I still have both beds. And I can't sleep on the bottom bunk. I've tried laying under there. I look up and I can see the top bunk descending, like a trash compactor.

The top bunk? 34 feet off the ground. And it's only a matter of time before I fall off. My worst fear is that I'll wake up on the way down, just in time to make a few futile grasps at my bedsheets and regret not living to see Tron 2.0 before meeting my bloody, mangled doom.

Classes are goin' okay, though.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Back to School

I don't even like Kanye West. And I'm pretty sure he'd get whooped somethin' fierce if he went to school with a Luis Vuitton backpack.

Whatever. When I thought, "back to school," two images came to mind: that picture of Kanye and Rodney Dangerfield in a bath robe.
You get Kanye.

School... Right! I'm going back. If you'd keep up, you would remember that I took a break. A mental health series-of-months, if you will. I just needed to clear myself of responsibility for a while and spend a few months freeballin' in my PJs.*

I worked. A little. If you could call it work. But other than that, freeball, baby!*

If I had to sum up my vacation in five words, they would be...
StreetFighter IV

Alas, I grow tired, and I'm ready for summer!

Yep, yep. As big of shocker as it is, I'm about to go to monkey-fightin' school in the Monday-to-Friday summer! Dude, I never thought it'd be me. See, much like Wiis in old folks' homes and Rihanna gettin' rocked like she slapped Mike Tyson, I thought the concept of going to school during the summer was effing hilarious - until I realized it actually happened.

This post was about nothing.

*I wore underwear. Cereally.