Monday, April 27, 2009

I Ain't Answerin' That Phone!

I'm not talking about my phone! Don't be silly. I'm talking about the land line.

"Land line" refers to a phone that's not mobile. I know that sounds retarded, bare with me. They're connected to the wall and you have to use them in the building. These are not to be confused with the "man line," a neanderthalic communication method involving the passing of messages through relayed club strike patterns (also known as "ow-turn-ow").

In this house, it rings all day, every day. I don't answer it. It's never for me. Mom gets pretty upset about it, cause she's always out. But hey, I shouldn't even be in this house. The answering machine takes better messages than me, anyway (I don't remember crap, and I don't write).

This is what happens when I do answer the phone:


"Hi [my dad's name], this is-"

"It's Chris."

"Oh... Hey Chris! Wow, you sound just like your father, did you know that?"

::rolleyes:: "Yeah, I guess I do..."

"Now, I thought you were in school?"

::facepalm:: "Yeah, I'm taking a break this semester..."

"Oh," ::disappointed tone:: "well, um, is your mom home?"

"Um, no." You think I'd be answering the phone if she was?!

"Well, can you take a message?"

"Yeah, sure. One sec."


::two steps to the left, two steps to the right:: "...Ready."

"I was callin' 'bout some bull$#!%. But you ain't gonna remember none of it, cuz you 'ont write $#!% if it ain't gettin' graded."

"...Okay. Got it."

"Well, alright. Thanks Chris."


I don't answer the door either. Nobody ever comes to see me! Chances are, they want to raise money for the fire department, sell Girl Scout cookies or share their religion.
Get outta here with that crap!
I don't wanna hear that!

I oughta rig the doorbell to electrocute people. Let's see those little girls step up to my door with a porch full of fricasseed Mormons!


1 comment:

trey benton said...

that was a good one