Friday, February 20, 2009

How My Phone Is Taking Over My Life

See, I thought I was smart, opting for the "smartphone." I thought I was smart, opting for the unlimited data plan, with a quadrillion texts. I thought I was smart, setting up my email on my phone and enabling email notifications for every service I use. I thought I was smart, installing those Twitter applications...

Now, I'm on my phone constantly - and I don't even call anybody!

It's just so easy to do! I'm in the line at Wal Mart, on breaks at work, while walking across the house - at any boring moment, my Blackjack starts talking to me. He's like
"Bro, check Twitter. While you're at it, check your blog reader! Hey, someone wrote on you Facebook wall. I bet you're wondering what Obama's doing? Dude, Soulja Boy is so crazy, look at what he said about Bow Wow! Hey, I bet there's more news on the Star Trek movie. Bro, another email! This text joke is so funny, you better forward it! What were your work hours, again? Hey, there's a new Marvel vs. DC on YouTube!"

My phone has become such a big a part of my life, I'm not sure what I'd do without it. Losing my phone, or just going back to a basic, non-smartphone would be like losing my TV. Or at least, cable.

Why is this bad? Because it's making me more dependent on technology? Because it's taking away valuable time for critical thinking? Is it a manifestation of an underlying anxiety issue?


It's bad because I don't wear a suit!

Now, if I had a job that required me to wear a suit, this would be perfectly acceptable behavior! People in suits are always on their phones and no one question's them. We just assume they're doing business.

If I had a suit, my friends and co-workers wouldn't think, "Why is this guy always messing with his phone? He's such a loser and I hate his guts. I hope he gets hit by a helicopter..."

Instead, they would think, "Wow. That dude is so successful. You can tell, because he's got that phone and that suit. He's probably trading stocks or something. Setting up a golf date with some CEO, probably. I bet he's got so much money. I wish I was as rich as him. Look at him, with his business suit, tapping away... I bet his hands are so dexterous. I wanna be as dexterous as him. He's probably ambidexterous... He's got so many friends, I bet. I wish I had that many friends. I want to be his friend... I wonder if he's seeing anyone... Mmm..."

Whatever... I'ma go set up AIM on this peice...


Ariel said...


Trey said...

that was freakin hilarious and i think its cause i can hear you in my head when i read it

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