Tuesday, January 13, 2009

5 Inventions That We Better Have By 2010

Spread the word, readers. I'm sending out an emergency notice to all professional and aspiring inventors, to the technologically inclined, to anyone with creative tendencies. 2009 is here and 2010 is right around the corner. Time flies, doesn't it!? I don't know about you, but to me it seems like just yesterday that we were stocking up on canned beans and Band-Aids in anticipation of the pending Y2K catastrophe.

That was almost 10 years ago and in those ten years, we've made some remarkable advancements in science and technology. Everyone got cameras in their phones, the iPod killed the portable CD player and all television should be digital by the end of next month. It's crazy! DVDs broke into the market and now that everyone's bought a player, they're on the way out. That was all entertainment, wasn't it? You know what'cha know, I guess...

Unfortunately, despite our technological leaps and bounds, technology is not advancing in all of the areas some of us had hoped. So I've compiled a list of five of the most desperately needed pieces of technology that have not yet been invented.

I believe this list is fair and reasonable. Only time will tell, but inventing these things within the year doesn't seem like an unobtainable goal.

1. Cool Shoes We Don't Have To Tie
Now, I wouldn't look down on an adult for wearing Velcro shoes. It's quick and easy, and it holds your shoes on. I think it's a reasonable alternative to traditional laces. No tripping over the laces, no laces dragging on the ground, getting all germy. I'm cool with it, really. Velcro shoes are a fashion no-no. And nobody wants Perez on the %$# (hur hur). Some shoes have elastic, but that makes them slip-ons and that means they slip off. There must be an unembarassing way to hold your shoes securely in place, in place without tying them up with strings. Someone just needs to find it.

Come on, Nike, I know you'll have "Power Laces" by 2015, but let's put a little hustle in it, kay?

2. A Replacement For Dental Floss
Dental floss has been around for almost 200 years, according to all-knowing Wikipedia. WTH, world? You must be kidding me. When Astronauts, en route to the moon finish their freeze-dried meals and need to clean their teeth, they have to reach for a roll of string to run through their teeth. Maybe I just think string, itself, is dated, but sliding it through my teeth feels like something I shouldn't have to do, anymore. It's a time consuming hassle.

Let's but an end to this, people. Find me another way to clean between my McNugget grinders.

3. A Universal Instant Messenger
Imagine if cell phone users couldn't talk to people on other networks? That's the situation we're in with instant messengers. People gravitate to the messenger that most of their friends use, and the rest get left out. Some people go through the trouble of running multiple messengers or using clients that support various accounts, such as Digsby or Trillian - but most just stick to one messenger. I can't be the only person with that one friend who uses the oddball messenger, because all of his other friends use it. Why instant messaging didn't turn out the way telephone and email did, I don't know. But it's a frustrating problem because it could have been avoided.

Since this has already become an area of competition, we need a messenger that no one can turn down. Then we'll have a messenger that everyone uses.

4. A Crippling Mac Virus
Okay, look. I don't have a problem with Apple. I don't have anything against Macs. I just can't stand arrogant Mac users that frown on PCs like they're a thing of the past.
There are plenty of reasons for owning a Mac, but one really bothers me. We've all heard it: "Macs get less viruses." It's true, too, and it's a big selling point. But it's not fair. People who make computer viruses get off on sending masses of people into panic. They're are a lot less Mac owners out there than PC and, plain and simple, it wouldn't be as much fun.
Well, folks, times are changing. Macs run Windows and college students are flocking to The Apple Store in droves. It is time for a front page-worthy virus to shut Justin Long up, once and for all and make these college students rethink their split-second decisions to go Mac.

So, come on guys! Nuke the Bagel Bites, break out the Ritz and Cheez Whiz. Grab a Vault and get to it!

So consider this a call to action. Spread the word. Alert the press. Call your local representatives. Heck, phone a friend! Tell every scientist, you know! If you don't know any scientists, tell some science students! Tell somebody with glasses. Even if these things don't get invented, something might!

So, if you've been counting, you're probably wondering where number 5 is. Well, I'm leaving number 5 up to you. Leave a comment and let me know what you think needs to be invented by 2010! Think hard, somebody may invent it. Heck, you may think of something you can make and become a millionaire!


Beans Shadow said...

Electronic hand held book devices. Be honest with yourself, paper is outdated. This electronic book would he about the size of a standard book, it would have USB slots and SD card slots for uploading books which could either be bought from book stores or through online booksellers for download. not only would this be a handy space saving divice, but it would also be, dare I say, eco-friendly, as it would dramatically decrease the amount of paper used to make books.

I have actually thought about this for a long time, then a couple of weeks ago I saw the "Kindle" on Amazon. Someone beat me to my idea!

Anonymous said...

A portable thing that does everything that has to do with technology. Pretty much a really cool mini (im not talking netbook, im talking a DS)so like a kindle + ipod + iphone + dvd/bluray player + game console + email + USB ports + tons of memory( tech companies are ripping us off today with this btw)+ everything else you can think of that has to do with technology. And it has to be small.
hopefully made by apple.
hopefully not $30000000000000omgwtfbbq.