Tuesday, November 18, 2008

"Hey, I Like Your Backpack." "Yeah."

It bums me out that I'm so ridiculously shy. It really seems like I will never get over it. It's like everyone I know and every friend I have has fallen into my life. If you're not a friend of a friend, I'll never meet you. Even if you introduce yourself to me, I'll manage to leave the conversation without as much as your name, much less any way to contact you again. People say "You just need to put yourself out there." You might as well tell me to "just build a house." I watch people, thinking about what I'd say if I could just talk to them. Not just girls, either. I see people with a cool shirt or talking about something I'm interested in. I'd like to throw out a complement, or something. It's like I'm not capable of it. My lips just won't move.

When I'm out and people I don't know speak to me, it's like I go into shock. In my mind, I panic. I answer their question or respond to their comment in one word, like "yeah," "hey" or "thanks." It's like I've been thrown into traffic and I'm just I'm scrambling to get out of the street.

I dunno, it's just me. No one is gonna be able to change me, but me, and that's probably not happening.

And I swear, if anybody posts something like "you just gotta suck it up and do it," I'm gonna delete it. I'm so tired of hearing it. It's not that easy.


Samantha Jade! said...

It is hard to get out there and not be shy.
It took me like.. 5 years to just stop caring what others think and be myself.
In the end, the people who are about you the most, the "friends" you spoke of in your blog before, they will be there for you, loving everything about you.
And at times, i can still be shy, believe it or not.
For instance, when we walked into the club sat. night, i was terrified out of my mind.
Needless to say I had to walk around with just Brian Spain for about 15 minutes... which was kinda scary in itself, all in all, i had a great time, and i am glad i went.
but also, i must say that whenever i am around you, you don't seem all that shy at all.
you are one of the funniest people i have ever met, and one of the coolest to be around, and i enjoy talking to you. so keep those lips a moving!

now, go ahead and say it, who is the best blog reader/commenter you know?


Chris said...

I'm flattered, really. Maybe if I thought everyone would find me so funny and cool, it'd be easier to talk to them. It sounds so negative to say it, but I guess I just don't see myself that way.

The fear is all in my head. It really is. Knowing that doesn't seem to make it any easier to get past. I'm just so sure that whatever I say will end in catastrophe.

Now I just feel like I'm whining...

Samantha Jade! said...

meh, you are fine.
and i totally understand where you are coming from.
we all have insecurities.
i am dealing with quite a few of my own, and they suck.
but as time passes, so will these phases.
and time passes so fast, so i try to make do with what i have.
but i totally agree, it is hard.

Anonymous said...

Just suck it up and do im kidding but seriously there are people here at ecu that can help you out with that. There are counslers and other people that can really help you. Im not sayin u have a problem, but u should stop being shy for ur own good.

Anonymous said...

It is like what we were talking about at the mall. Most people, regardless of what they really think of you will at least do you the courtesy of being nice to your face. Either that or they'll just look at you like you're nuts, in which case you should probably just go in your room and never, never leave. But, if that is not what you want to do, watch this, it might help.
but for real, I totally know what you mean, it happens to me all the time.
P.S. We should totally make a movie of what we were talkin' about.

ariel said...

ok, no I'm NOT going to tell you to "just put yourself out there." Because really, what does that mean anyway? It's one of those things people say when they don't know what to say. I will say that I do know the secret to becoming less shy. Pretend. You don't have to be outgoing, just think about what an outgoing person might do/say. Try it out. tell me how it goes.